Mikel Arteta has gone full Tony Pulis & we’re terrified but enthralled in equal proportions
The cliche your dad loves to refer to talks about how Sam Allardyce would be given much greater respect if his name was Samuele Allardycci. Truth is, Allardycci already exists – but his name is actually Mikel Arteta.
As the game progresses, the era of hard Brexit (allegedly), anti-football managers appears to have died out, with David Moyes at West Ham perhaps their last bastion of hope.
Or so we thought.
What has actually occurred is that they’ve learned to shapeshift. They’ve discovered Matalan and the quarter-zip fleece, and they’ve unlocked shapeshifting. No, really.
That’s the only explanation we’ve got for the latest iteration of Mikel Arteta, at least, as he takes another step closer to going not even full Allardyce – but full Tony Pulis.
The Arsenal manager has been responsible for their mightily impressive resurgence in the last several years, leaving Manchester City to break out from under the shadow of Pep Guardiola to return to his old club and almost single-handedly pull them out of their banter era.
It’s not been perfect or trophy-laden, but – banter aside – the Gunners have been the team closest to City in the last few seasons both in the table and on the pitch, being able to go toe to toe with Guardiola’s side in what are essentially big games of chess.
Finishing Premier League runners-up back-to-back after being largely flawless all season proves tiresome, though, and Arteta has been forced to think outside of the box in order to try and eke out an advantage over City. It almost worked.
David Raya kept 16 clean sheets and won the Golden Glove, while the Gunners conceded just 29 goals in the 2023-24 Premier League season, thanks to a fantastic four centre-back defensive configuration.
It brought them painfully close to glory, which means Arteta has doubled down on the tactic this season and leaned back on his strong defence. The issue?
He’s leaned back on it too much and subsequently has crossed a very fine line separating total football from being overcautious.
He’s also lost his mind in the process.
Arteta is not happy with a foul called on an Arsenal corner and imitates the on-field referee
byu/Chiswell123 insoccer
Arteta has never been one to shy away from expressing himself on the touchline, but he’s taken it to another level this season, almost as if he’s been watching DVDs of Allardyce, Pulis and Neil Warnock all summer long.
Gone is the cool, Bond villain vibe that you’re sold with his slick hair and scheming black quarter-zip and in is a complete madman personality that sees him imitating officials and losing his marbles over decisions, akin to how Pulis would at Stoke in order to make his team as ugly as possible to play against.
As the Gunners were held to a 0-0 draw in Bergamo against Atalanta – and only managing that thanks to some David Raya double-save heroics – Arteta was a tracksuit and a pair of glasses away from going full Pulis.
Imitating officials, prancing around the touchline enraged, he’s off the rails.
READ NEXT: Where are they now? Arsenal’s 7 wonderkids from FIFA 15 a decade later
TRY A QUIZ: Can you name every player to appear for Arsenal under Mikel Arteta?
A joust with City was enough for Jurgen Klopp to walk away from the beautiful game altogether and go on hiatus, but not Arteta. No chance. Instead, he’s plunged himself into the depths of Barclays hell.
That baseball cap must be speaking to him like the Green Goblin mask. He’ll be asking the groundsmen to keep the grass purposely longer at the Emirates, next.
We’re terrified and enthralled in equal proportions to see what’s next for the Spaniard, as he gets tipped a little further over the edge after another clash with the champions this weekend.
We’re hoping he goes full tracksuit and 4-4-2.
By Mitch Wilks