Ranking Champions League broadcasters based on how they’d handle a night out
The Champions League is a brilliant sporting spectacle, enhanced by the coverage from broadcasters that pull it all together – but which broadcasters would make for the best night out?
Few things are quite as satisfying as a quiet midweek pint while watching Europe’s biggest behemoths battle it out under the lights of the Champions League, but credit has to go to the broadcasters who supplement the football with analysis, interviews, humour and everything in between.
The rights vary by nation and change as the years go by, but we’ve all got our favourites. Today, we’ve ranked all the major Champions League broadcasters past and present based on how good they’d be on a night out.
5. beIN SPORTS
Keysey and Gray. You know exactly what you’re getting – and it’s precisely as hellish as you’d think.
A working men’s club full of old people, racists and endless games of bingo? Only if you’re lucky. In fact, the £2 bitter would be a treat.
No chance, though. Keys is a sucker for Wetherspoons. Cheap and not very cheerful. Fine for one quick drink, but not an all-night experience, which it absolutely would be with these two.
John Smiths all over the show, squabbling for change for the fruit machine, penny-pinching, shooting from the hip about the ‘good old days’. Gets worse with every pint. ‘Ill’ that night, sorry fellas. 
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4. Sky Sports
Gone are the days of Sky Sports actually providing proper coverage of Champions League games in full. Do we miss them? It’s easy to say yes with a bit of nostalgia, but absence always makes the heart grow fonder.
Nowadays, the best we get is a goal update between an endless stream of EFL fixtures, which suggests a lacklustre night out.
A grand plan in the group chat, followed by the flame dwindling to ‘just a few drinks’ in the days leading up, before an inevitable no-show from the Sky team.
Falls flat on its face. Shame.
3. TNT Sports
They’re in our faces every other week here in the United Kingdom. If you want Champions League coverage, you have to deal with TNT – like it or not.
Sometimes, they can be brilliant. Between genuinely insightful moments or sparks of truly exceptional commentary, they have you on the edge of our seats and compliment the game’s biggest games perfectly.
Other times, however, you have Michael Owen, Robbie Savage and Steve McManaman chewing your ear off. A big night out with the TNT gang is likely to be weird, wonderful and the rest.
Paul Scholes would make for quietly amusing chat after the beers start flowing, Laura Woods and Ally McCoist would carry you through the night with cocktails and karaoke.
However, choose the wrong path and you could be in for a gruelling evening, sandwiched between Owen and Savage while they wax lyrical about horses, business investments and Matalan over a cider, before calling it quits at 9pm.
Choose wisely.
2. ITV
Nostalgia is of course blinding, but those Champions League nights in the UK on ITV just felt special. Extra special. And a night out with that crew would feel just the same.
ITV’s Champions League coverage is like the ex your friend had years ago that everybody loved, and was gutted when they split up. Felt like the group was never the same after that.
Everyone longs for one of those classic nights out of yesteryear with that ex. Life and soul of the party. Had time for everyone and was never afraid to get a round in. Proper company. Yeah, that’s the ITV night out.
Good vibes, great stories, all night long. Not even a hangover in the morning. We miss those days.
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1. CBS Sports Golazo
Come on. Who else?
CBS Sports Golazo genuinely has it all, thus it’s no surprise that they’ve taken social media by storm, transcended geographic broadcasting rights and become the internet’s number one choice.
It’s a group that simply shouldn’t work, but does. They’ve got every kind of character you need for the perfect night out.
A hapless love story between Thierry Henry and Kate Abdo, Micah Richards charming everyone with his laugh and Jamie Carragher undoubtedly leading the way at the bar, sleeves rolled up, double parking his drinks and singing at the top of his lungs.
All the hits and a bar crawl like no other.
You’re entertained all night and you’re out until the birds are chirping. One for the history books. CBS just do it right.
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