Eric Cantona’s insane ‘TV punditry debut’ was straight out of a David Lynch movie
When push comes to shove, football is an entertainment industry. Of course there is entertainment to be found in tactics and strategy, and there’s a certain type of pervert who loves a solid defensive display, but the whole point of football is entertainment. And that’s why Eric Cantona is box office.
The French icon made his punditry debut on the Premier League’s direct feed of the season’s curtain-opener between Manchester United and Fulham on Friday night, when he was asked a couple of questions by host Julia Stewart.
Stewart asked Cantona who he thought would win the Premier League Golden Boot this season, to which King Eric replied, “We’ll see…”
Cheers for that, Eric.
Stewart then asked the ex-United striker what he thought this year’s Premier League had in store for the millions of watching fans. Cantona took a moment to pause, give an almost imperceptible snort of mirth from his nose, and muttered, “Television…” before getting up, removing his microphone, and walking off set.
Before leaving, though, Cantona delivered a classically weird monologue to camera. A monologue that went as follows:
“We call this the beautiful game, but how many people in this world don’t even own a television? What of them? How can we sell this [the Premier League] to them?
“The game should be everywhere. It cannot be stuck on the wall or just in a bar, no. It must fly… No-one should believe the Premier League is ours. This marks the beginning. The revolution has begun.”
After he said “It must fly…” Cantona did a little flappy wing motion with his arms. It was good.
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All sounds pretty on brand for King Eric. He does this kind of thing semi-regularly. There was the seagulls & trawlers speech, the film career, I love football speech, and, of course, the time he fully kung-fu kicked a racist in the crowd at Selhurst Park. We’d have given Cantona an honorary award, but the Premier League suspended him. So it goes.
However, it turns out that this particular act of oddness was a publicity stunt. Cantona was advertising a an African streaming service called Showmax, which aims to bring affordable football streaming across Africa so that everyone can realistically watch the Premier League.
And so it was the National Eric Cantona Day!!!
Kubi.🙆🏽♂️🤣#PremierLeague @ShowmaxSport #ForEveryoneEverywhere pic.twitter.com/lQSnxXrLNV
— robertmarawa (@robertmarawa) August 16, 2024
To be fair, it’s worked. We’re talking about it. Marketing masterclass from Showmax. Get Cantona in there, get him to do something weird, quick quasi-indecipherable monologue to camera about the importance of sport for all and general gatekeeping, bosh.
We’d like to see Cantona on Monday Night Football, just quoting poetry at a confused Jamie Carragher who then challenges him to a fight or a race or an arm wrestle or something equally as demented. Or on Match of the Day, doing a live painting of the goal of the month and presenting it at the end of the show like Bob Ross.
Television execs, make it happen, you cowards.