9 football fashion offences so bad they make our eyeballs bleed: Infantino, Beckham…
Football and fashion can often be a match made in, if not Heaven, at least somewhere en route to Heaven. It’s not always a glorious combination, however.
Sometimes, and let’s be perfectly honest—more often than not, footballers dress like they’ve travelled back in time from the far distant future, having read about our civilisation in decaying books and the last preserved screenshots of the long-dead internet.
We’ve already covered the best dressed, but now for the worst. Inspired by a certain FIFA President, we’ve put together a list of the most awful fits in football history.
Gianni Infantino
Emperor Palpatine welcoming you to his episode of MTV Cribs. Sith-core. Today, he feels like slaughtering a Jedi nursery.
Desperately hoping our brains don’t commit to long-term memory, here. Honking.
Gianni Infantino rocking the hoodie suit look pic.twitter.com/m9jTDPoOwH
— Martyn Ziegler (@martynziegler) February 4, 2024
Kalvin Phillips
Phillips needed some warm weather after being frozen out at Manchester City, it seems.
Quick trip to the Sahara, skinned a camel, tied its shapeless hide around his ankles for a daft laugh, flight back to East London. Job’s a good’un.
Should we start Planet Hoofball?
of course I will mainly be talking about Kalvin Phillips’ shoes. They have brought me much joy this weekend. pic.twitter.com/HFUnHxWwpc
— Max Rushden 💛🖤 (@maxrushden) April 3, 2022
Robbie Savage
Robbie Savage would like to speak with your manager. The customer service he has received is disgusting and, frankly… what’s your name, sorry?
*squints to read your name badge*
Robbie Savage looking like he’s just come back from a gap year pic.twitter.com/RsjZ4t92bb
— Oli ▵ ≅ (@Oli_LUFC_1919) June 26, 2021
David Beckham
When you’ve got the Chelsea Flower Show at 3pm but you’ve got to reclaim The Black Pearl from those mutinous scoundrels at 7pm.
Pirates of the Caribbean: The F*cking State of That.
Open for a surprise. pic.twitter.com/4AWFtn5ypM
— Badly Dressed Footballers (@BadlyDressedFB) November 8, 2020
Carlos Tevez
POV: You get home to find your 8-year-old son dressed in your work clothes, having just annihilated three packets of Tangfastics.
You’re grounded, Carlito.
— Badly Dressed Footballers (@BadlyDressedFB) August 20, 2020
Scott Parker
A stripe for every Premier League goal he scored for Newcastle United. Lovely touch. At ease, son. At ease.
Scott Parker's cardigan cost him £4.58 for every single minute of Premier League football he was manager this season. 😭 pic.twitter.com/T5yMSmMVJZ
— Football Tweet ⚽ (@Football__Tweet) August 31, 2022
Alex Song
You know when you’re creating your avatar on a computer game, and you just choose random items of clothing for each part of your body?
Song looks like he’s about to play duelling banjos on a tommy gun.
Alex Song wearing a suit with dungarees 🤦♂️ pic.twitter.com/ofTjuV3Tjx
— Badly Dressed Footballers (@BadlyDressedFB) October 28, 2019
Gerard Pique
This is actually high art from Piquenbauer. He’s making a statement. Woollen chainmail. Like that Banksy piece of the kid throwing flowers instead of a grenade. Love always wins. Yeah, that’s what he was going for. Maybe that’s what he was going for.
Woollen chain mail for Barcelona’s crusading centre back Gerard Pique. pic.twitter.com/PqnW3Hy7PN
— The Upshot (@UpshotTowers) November 17, 2022
Robin van Persie
BUT FOR NOW LET ME SAY,
WITHOUT HOPE OR AGENDA,
JUST BECAUSE IT’S CHRISTMAS—
(AND AT CHRISTMAS YOU TELL THE TRUTH)
TO ME, YOU ARE PERFECT
AND MY WASTED HEART WILL LOVE YOU
UNTIL YOU LOOK LIKE THIS
*picture of best friend’s new wife as a wrinkly old lady*
MERRY CHRISTMAS
— Badly Dressed Footballers (@BadlyDressedFB) March 1, 2019
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