Grab the popcorn – Jose Mourinho has invented football’s latest bookable offence

It hasn’t taken long into his reign at Fenerbahce for Jose Mourinho to demonstrate why his particular brand of pettiness cannot be beaten.

We’d probably call this sh*thousery if the algorithms allowed us, but everybody who rubbed their hands with performative glee and stocked up on popcorn when Mourinho’s move to Turkey was announced in June hasn’t been disappointed so far.

From getting booked half an hour into his debut, the former Chelsea, Real Madrid, Manchester United and Tottenham manager showcased his dedication to disingenuous outrage after a recent defeat to Galatasaray.

Raging after the loss to Galatasaray, he blamed his dugout rival Okan Buruk for the reason he shirked his post-match media duties.

After refusing to attend his post-match press conference, he criticised his opposite number for taking too long with his interviews. Mourinho even claimed he had been made to wait over 70 minutes.

“I have never avoided a press conference in my 24-year career. I have never been afraid of journalists and their questions,’ the Special One moaned.

“The coach who plays away goes first, it’s normal, to be free. But there are limits! I waited 70 minutes and even after that I couldn’t go, because his press conference continued. I can’t wait 70, 75 or 80 minutes for a press conference.

“It had nothing to do with the result, just with something that is or is not correct.”

Still smarting from this generational slight, Mourinho has achieved what many observers thought was impossible and found a new way of getting booked from the touchline.

As his Fenerbahce side took on Antalyaspor, the 61-year-old was caught staring a thousand miles into the distance after seeing a goal disallowed for his team.

But Mourinho was not as impassive on the inside as he appeared to the naked eye.

Seconds later, the camera panned to a still image on the manager’s laptop inferring that the goal in question was valid and the referee needed to visit the Turkish equivalent of Specsavers.

After being alerted to Mourinho’s latest misdemeanour, the match official jogged over to the sideline and issued football’s premier anti-hero with a yellow card.

Rather than the feigned innocence that has greeted every booking of his career to date, Mourinho looked as if he wished his favourite bar was within walking distance.

💻 Jose Mourinho'dan laptoplu tepki! #ANTvFB #beINSPORTS pic.twitter.com/mN1RzXdc5x

— beIN SPORTS Türkiye (@beINSPORTS_TR) September 29, 2024

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After a mixed start to his spell in Turkey, Mourinho hit back at his critics by pointing to his formidable trophy record in a recent interview.

Characteristically, he also couldn’t resist issuing a tongue-in-cheek apology for being unable to win silverware just a month into the new season.

“What is called the Mourinho effect? Trophies. Cups,” Mourinho told reporters. “We cannot win trophies in September. There are no trophies to win in September.

“How can you see the effect? In every club I’ve been, I won cups. Only Tottenham, I left the club two days before a cup final. But in every club, the effect was titles.

“I cannot win titles in September, I’m sorry.”

Fenerbahce still recorded a 2-0 victory on Sunday, but the intense expectation and passion from the supporters make this a uniquely demanding job. Even somebody with Mourinho’s pedigree needs instant results.

But we’re mostly glad that this marriage of footballing nonsense has already generated results beyond the imagination of us mere mortals.

By Michael Lee