A God among mortals...

8 things we can definitely see happening during Jose Mourinho’s stint at Fenerbahce

Jose Mourinho has officially been unveiled as the new Fenerbahce manager and we’re both thrilled and petrified for the earthquake it might cause over the next few years.

‘The Special One’ is perhaps the game’s greatest character and pantomime supervillain, but love him or loathe him, there is no denying his unrelenting charisma and burning desire to win at all costs.

Combine that with a giant in Turkish football – desperately competing for bragging rights in Istanbul – where chaos is the status quo and you’ve got a match made in heaven. Or hell.

It’s been a difficult few years for the Portuguese coach, who seemed to relight the flame at Roma for a little while before it ended in typical, Mourinho fashion in season three, but strangely the move to Fenerbahce just feels right. A creator of chaos himself, we can’t help but think he fits like a glove at the club.

Having said all that, it’s also a move where the playbook feels rather inevitable over the next few years. Join us in a game of Jose Mourinho Fenerbahce bingo as we rattle through a list of things we believe are certain to happen while he’s in Turkey.

Champions League giant killing

It’s inevitable, isn’t it? Fenerbahce drawn in the same group as one of the English sides – probably Arsenal or Liverpool – and putting together the upset of the group stages with a smash-and-grab victory straight out of the Mourinho archives.

A low block, a few ex-Premier League ballers on the scoresheet, most likely some touchline shenanigans and a Mourinho highlight reel during and after the game that we’ll see in edits online for years to come.

Signing Romelu Lukaku

‘Why always Lukaku?’ Mourinho famously once said in a post-match interview at United. Don Jose absolutely loves the Belgian and has worked with him at three different clubs, but we believe them reuniting for the fourth time in Turkey feels nailed on.

Lukaku has rediscovered his mojo at Roma, but with Mourinho no longer at the club and him commanding quite lofty wages and a significant transfer fee, it’s unlikely the Giallorossi will pay the fee. Even if they do, there’s a good chance Mourinho has a word with the Belgian and tempts him to Turkey before they close a deal.

Turkish sides typically don’t fork out huge fees for players, but with Chelsea desperate to get rid, they might just accept a cut-price deal or another loan if it means Lukaku isn’t their problem. He’d rip it up over there.

Roma's head coach Jose Mourinho speaks to Roma's Romelu Lukaku during a Serie A soccer match between Roma and Empoli

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Falling in love with a random Turkish player

He’s a romantic, is Jose. It’s why we hang off his every word. It’s also why he develops an attachment to the one or two players he takes under his wing at every club he manages – even if they’re not the most popular among fans – and makes them his most crucial pieces of the puzzle.

This one can also be known as the McTominay effect. Mourinho will start them in every game without fail – especially those big clashes – constantly sing their praises in the media, and always be pictured with an arm around them. A love affair that belongs in the cinema.

After Mourinho leaves the club, he’ll either follow him and it probably won’t hit the same as the initial spark, or we’ll forget they existed for years to come before nostalgia boosts their stock once again.

Shaves head

A strange one, but a quirk that Mourinho enthusiasts – and those who have endured a spell with him as manager of their clubs – will most likely have picked up on.

At almost every club he’s been at, somewhere around the halfway point of his tenure, Mourinho always seems to undergo a hard reset, charges up the One Blade and buzzes his hair. For absolutely no reason. And nobody talks about it.

Given the heat in Turkey, we can see it coming sooner rather than later.

Aiming an indirect bald joke at Pep Guardiola

Staying on the subject of hair, now that he’s working in the prodigal home of the hair transplant, there is simply no way Mourinho will be able to avoid a little dig at his former foe when it’s right in front of him.

Like dangling a carrot in front of a rabbit, dangling hair transplant clinics and live microphones in front of Mourinho will only end one way – with an unknowing Pep catching a stray on a random Tuesday afternoon in a Champions League press conference.

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Inciting a riot in Istanbul

It could be because he wins a trophy, it could be because he aims a dig at the Galatasaray manager, it could be because he loses a derby in the Turkish Super Lig – it could even be because he wins a derby in the Turkish Super Lig or lifts a trophy with Fener.t

Whatever the circumstance might be, we’re absolutely sure that Mourinho will cause Istanbul to descend into chaos at some point in the next few years. We’re talking pyrotechnics galore, chanting and crowds so hostile you’d need a change of underwear if within a 10-mile radius of the place, the lot.

Consider how many people turned out for his presentation as manager and throw a frag grenade into the mix to rile them all up. That’s what we’re dealing with. Mourinho’s influence out in Turkey is about to be gloriously petrifying.

Insulting a board member

When he’s not dropping hideous low blocks, winning trophies and inciting riots, Mourinho is failing miserably to bite his tongue.

You can already hear it, can’t you? 18 months in, disgruntled after the board have been unable to get his top signing requests over the line, sat there in his press conference in a huff before having to travel six hours across Turkey to draw 1-1.

Some poor, unknowing victim on the board is suddenly reading their name all over the internet after Mourinho has twisted the knife by calling them unintelligent and overweight, or something similar.

Winning a trophy

For your full house on Mourinho in Turkey bingo, we’ve got him nailed on to win a trophy. Maybe even put together a record league season.

Whatever it is, we’ve just got the feeling. Don Jose is going to lift silverware with Fenerbahce. It might not be conventionally pretty, but the aftermath will be beautiful. He’ll get his mojo back and – crucially – he won’t be able to stop mentioning how it’s the greatest achievement of his career afterwards.

Again, one for the social media edits.