Cristiano Ronaldo is very upset.

The last 10 matches Portugal played without Ronaldo – & their extraordinary results

If you’re new to football and/or have spent your life up until now inside a dark cave, developing transparent skin and primitive light-sensing organs where your eyes should be, you may not be familiar with the name ‘Cristiano Ronaldo’.

For clarity, before we start, he’s the fella who was crying his eyes out as the game went on around him during extra-time of Portugal’s Round of 16 match with Slovenia at Euro 2024 the other night, all because he had a penalty saved by Jan Oblak.

The 39-year-old grown man has been capped for Portugal roughly the same amount of times as Samuel L. Jackson has uttered the word ‘motherf*cker’ on screen.

Ronaldo has missed 10 international games in the last four years or so. We’re taking a look at those matches to see if Portugal are reliant on their talisman as he would like to believe. Strap in, motherf*ckers.

Portugal 1-2 Croatia

Ronaldo was on the bench for this pre-Euros friendly in June but didn’t make it onto the pitch. Modric and Budimir got the goals for the Croats, whilst Diogo Jota nicked one for the Selecao.

It wasn’t enough, though, and the Ronaldoless Portuguese were felled by the old (but not quite as old as Ronaldo) men of Croatia.

Portugal 4-2 Finland

Teemu Pukki got both goals for Finland off the bench in this one. You love to see big Teemu doing well.

Four days before the aforementioned Croatia game, the Selecao were once again without Cristiano, but they didn’t need him as Bruno Fernandes, Diogo Jota, and captain Ruben Dias provided the goals.

Portugal 5-2 Sweden

Sweden played a front four of Alexander Isak, Viktor Gyokeres, Anthony Elanga, and Dejan Kulusevski. Strong. Not as strong as the Portuguese—five different scorers, three different assisters. 

Portugal 9-0 Luxembourg

Ronaldo was suspended for this Euros qualifier. If you’re going to choose a game to have your talismanic forward banned for, it would probably be a home fixture with Luxembourg. Difficult to glean anything from this one, really.

Luxembourg’s front three wore the numbers four, five, and muthaf*ckin six respectively. Just wanted to mention that since it’s made us vom in our collective mouth.

READ NEXT: Comparing Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi’s penalty records

TRY A QUIZ: Can you name every club Cristiano Ronaldo has scored 5+ goals against?

Portugal 4-0 Nigeria

Cristiano was ill for this 2022 friendly, according to reports. A run-of-the-mill 4-0 drubbing of Nigeria. Nothing to see here.

Switzerland 1-0 Portugal

The veteran was rested for this Nations League tie in Geneva, and the Portuguese paid the price. If Euro 2024 has taught us anything, it is never to underestimate the Swiss. Haris Seferovic scored in the first minute and that was that.

Ronaldo hasn't always swept opponents aside at international level.

TRY A QUIZ: Can you name the 24 international teams Cristiano Ronaldo hasn’t scored against?

Azerbaijan 0-3 Portugal

Again, with all due respect to Azerbaijan, it’s difficult to gauge performances in a World Cup qualifier with Azerbaijan.

Ronaldo was suspended for this one back in July 2021. Did he accumulate those yellow cards on purpose to avoid a big old schlep to Baku? Couldn’t possibly say and we wouldn’t dare to suggest it.

Qatar 1-3 Portugal

Misstiano Penaldo (shout out, the BBC) wasn’t selected for this 2021 away trip to Qatar. Played three days earlier in a World Cup qualifier with Ireland.

He plays when he wants, HE PLAYS WHEN HE WAAAAANTS, Cristiano, he plays when he wants!

Portugal 3-0 Sweden

This Sweden team of October 2020 was, for our money, nowhere near as strong as the team Portugal despatched 5-2 earlier this year. Same outcome, though.

Two from Diogo Jota, one from Bernardo Silva, bish, bash, bosh. Ronaldo had COVID—viruses don’t care who you are.

Portugal 4-1 Croatia

Cristiano simply wasn’t picked for the Nations League tie with Croatia in September 2020—peak pandemic. Joao Felix played up front, with Bernardo Silva, Diogo Jota, Bruno Fernandes and Joao Moutinho behind him.

Portugal are absolutely drowning in talent.