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Nine dart shithouse.

5 of Neal Maupay’s greatest sh*thouse moments: Darts, cry-baby, ear cupping…

The race for Premier League Sh*thouse of the Year is heating up, and Neal Maupay might just be stretching his lead at the very front.

It’s a close fight for the honour of the Prem’s premier sh*thouse — Emi Martínez is always going to be there or thereabouts, Andy Robertson simply can’t help himself, even Jacob Murphy burst onto the shithouse scene last season when he waved Dujeta Caleta-Car off the pitch after his League Cup Semi-final red card.

In recent seasons, Maupay has been a renowned wind-up merchant but has rarely put in the performances to back up the antics. Since his return to Brentford, however, something has clicked – and with improved performances comes improved sh*thousery.

Come with us now, on a journey through the dirty deeds of a sh*thouse prince.

Maddison’s darting nightmare

Maupay scored a scruffy goal against Spurs in the 15th minute, hit the James Maddison darts celebration, then went on to lose the game 3-1. He later posted a picture of the celebration on his Instagram, with the caption:

“Gutted we couldn’t get the win. More goals and less relegations in my career than James Maddison. We go again monday bees 🐝🫡”

Superb commitment to the cause, if you ask us.

 

Shedding a tear for the Gunners

Back in 2021, he did the ‘cry-baby’ celebration after scoring against Southampton. In the previous game, he’d upset some Arsenal fans by winding up Matteo Guendouzi and (accidentally) injuring Bernd Leno. He told reporters that the celebration was just to “give them [Arsenal fans] a shout, really.”

Sh*thouse.

There’s no substitute for sh*thousery

While warming up on the touchline, Maupay once cleverly kicked the ball away from the ref’s vanishing spray to slightly delay a Chelsea free kick. Unnecessary. Got booked for it, too. He just cannot help himself.

But we love it.

@meninblazers A Maupay classic 😂 #premierleague #shithousery ♬ original sound – Men in Blazers

Getting a little bit personal

It all came to a boil recently with Kyle Walker.

Manchester City’s rapid right-back had been in the headlines for some reported issues in his personal life and ‘La Petite Sh*thouse Francaise’ was not going to go a full 90 minutes without saying something in Walker’s here.

It was inevitable. If the rumours of what Maupay said are true, then he may have crossed the line, but… Sh*thouses gonna sh*thouse.

Neal can’t hear you.

Again back in 2021, Maupay bagged a 95th-minute equalizer for Brighton against rivals Crystal Palace and copied Wilfried Zaha’s goal celebration, cupping his ears to the fans. Zaha walked off the pitch looking extremely upset, whilst our Neal strolled around the pitch laughing.

Maupay is the sort of player you love until your team becomes the subject of his torment. Until he’s living, rent-free, in your head, and you’re living in his house of sh*t, shivering your drafty box room of pure frustration.

Vive la Petite Shithouse Francaise.


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