The very best of Richard Keys’ horrific Twitter musings: Socks, Big Sam, British Airways…

From the exceptionally erotic crush on Sam Allardyce to his desperate desire for attention at all times, Richard Keys is a rather odd – but hilarious – man. And that’s just the very tip of the iceberg.

Infamous among football fans for his commitment to being a fossil in the modern day, Keys is never shy of sharing his takes, which is ultimately the problem here.

Be it on beIN SPORTS or through his exceptional blog, he’s often got a lot to say. One overlooked chink in his armour, though, is his Twitter, where some of his greatest and most hilariously ‘your dad’ musings are spouted into the abyss.

Many will argue that Twitter (we refuse to call it that other, silly name) is dying a slow, painful death thanks to Elon Musk. But for as long as Keysey is on the app talking nonsense, it’ll live forever. Here are some of his greatest hits.

Offended by socks

Rather ironically, as a man who comes across as someone who harps on about the old days before ‘PC went mad’ and whatnot – you know the type – Keys found himself incredibly offended by a pair of football socks.

The new fad of players cutting holes in their socks is said to be to relieve pressure on their calves during games. Is it an eyesore? Yes. Are you arsed? Not really.

Richard is, though. Obviously.

Saudi shill

He was all too happy for Steven Gerrard landing the dream job at *checks notes * Al-Ettifaq.

The way it’s going, on of these clubs will hire Keys as a sporting director soon enough.

Stealing Troll Football memes

Like your dad being trigger-happy on Whatsapp after getting on the Facebook mobile app for the first time and learning how to screenshot.

Troll Football, in 2023. Seriously. And he wonders why he’s not the voice of the new generation?

A real football man

Tactico Twitter and their incredibly well-researched threads on all things field tilt and rest defence can do one.

Bring back the glory days of football being run by unintelligent buffoons, say Keysey.

He wants to be a manager, doesn’t he?

Big Sam enthusiast

In case you somehow missed it, Richard Keys loves Sam Allardyce.


Keys’ views on Ange Postecoglou are ageing like milk.

Travel journalist

Just in case football grinds to a halt for Keys, he’s got a backup career in airline journalism already off the floor (get it?)

In-depth analysis of the downfall of British Airways and the subsequent rise of Qatar Airways. Content we are desperate to see.

Seriously though, it’d probably be better than his current work. Get a section on this in the blog, Keysey. We’re begging.

Ahead of the curve

It took him another four years to head to the Premier League after this tweet, but Pep Guardiola did eventually arrive. Maybe Keys is nostradamus after all.

Pep might’ve arrived sooner if he hadn’t been scared off by Keys’ obsession with British managers.

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