5 times Cristiano Ronaldo showed that Lionel Messi lives rent free in his head
As you may have heard, Cristiano Ronaldo scored his 900th career goal the other night. Number 900 came in a 2-1 win for Portugal over Croatia at Benfica’s Estadio da Luz in Lisbon, and Ronaldo was in bits. Crying on his knees. It was the 34th minute of the game. God, we’d love to hear Roy Keane’s thoughts on that.
When Ronaldo was asked about this achievement after the game, he said all the things you’d expect him to say—It means a lot, I worked really hard etc. etc. etc. Fair enough. But then, he said something a little odd:
“Portugal winning Euros is equivalent to winning a World Cup. I’ve already won two trophies for Portugal that I really wanted. I’m not motivated by that. I’m motivated by enjoying football and the records come naturally.”
First things first, the Euros aren’t equivalent to the World Cup, are they? They’re just literally not. They are equivalent to the Copa America—let’s have that crystal clear. We’re willing to let the sentence ‘I’ve already won two trophies for Portugal’ slide—that’s potentially just a little translation issue. But the World Cup thing… There’s something eating away in Ronaldo’s head there, and we reckon we know what it is.
Lionel Andres Messi.
Leo Messi has won a World Cup with his country, and with a comparable squad to the Portugal teams of the past decade or so. In fact, Ronaldo posted on his own Instagram page after Portugal’s elimination from the 2022 World Cup, “To win a World Cup for Portugal was the biggest and most ambitious dream of my career.”
The fact that Ronaldo claimed the Euros were equivalent immediately after reaching a genuinely impressive personal milestone tells us that Messi is living rent-free in Ronaldo’s head.
We’ve picked out four other times Leo Messi made himself very much at home inside the cranium or Cristiano Ronaldo.
The Al-Shabab Five-finger Shuffle
In February 2024, Ronaldo’s Al-Nassr beat Al-Shabab 3-2 in the Saudi Pro League thanks to a late winner from Talisca. Ronaldo converted a penalty in the 21st minute, and at the end of the game, it all got a bit… X-rated. Here’s how The Guardian reported on what happened:
“After the final whistle, chants of ‘Messi’ could be heard in the stadium. Social media videos captured Ronaldo cupping his ear before repeatedly pumping his hand forward in front of his pelvic area. The action appeared to be directed at Al-Shabab supporters.”
We don’t mind footballers giving it back a little if they’ve been tormented all game. Could’ve probably done without the old Tommy Tank gestures, though. Clearly, the Al-Shabab fans struck a nerve…
Instagram Pettiness (Part One)
Lionel Messi won his eighth Ballon d’Or in 2023. That’s two more Ballon d’Ors than Cristiano Ronaldo and, at this point, with Messi in Miami and Ronaldo in Saudi, it looks unlikely that either will win another.
That will have cut Ronaldo to the wick.
AS journalist Tomas Roncero posted the following on Instagram:
“Hello friends. What we knew happened, they were going to give Messi another Ballon d’Or again. He went to retire in Miami, even though he already looked like he was retired at PSG preparing for the World Cup. He won the World Cup, yes, good, but with 6 penalties.
“The World Cup was 10 months ago, it’s November. Messi has 8 Ballon d’Ors. He should have had 5. He has Iniesta/Xavi’s Ballon d’Or, Lewandowski’s who won 6 trophies in one season and Haaland’s who was the top scorer.”
Ronaldo liked the post and commented with some laughing emojis, before quickly deleting that comment.
Yes, it was a disputable Ballon d’Or—there were some very strong candidates. But, to be fair, Messi did win the World Cup (not sure of the relevance of the number of penalties, to be honest). And if Messi playing in Miami is to rule him out, surely Ronaldo playing in Saudi does the same…? Rent free.
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Instagram Pettiness (Part Two)
Two years previous to the aforementioned Insta controversy, in 2021, Messi won his seventh Ballon d’Or. Again, some people weren’t happy about it—Cristiano included, apparently.
Ronaldo liked an Insta post that read:
“And who does the prize go to? To Messi. Who only won the Copa Del Rey with Barcelona. And hasn’t scored a goal against Real Madrid since Cristiano left. Disappeared in the big games of the season. Won the Copa America that was supposed to be every 4 years like they do practically every year. He didn’t score in the final or the semi-final. And he’s having a weak season with PSG personally.”
Ronaldo also added the comment “Factos” with a thumbs-up emoji and the big eyes emoji. The Portuguese tried to play down the rivalry before Messi was announced as winner, telling reporters:
“I don’t care if Messi wins the Ballon d’Or. I know that it is not in my hands whether I win this award or not. It all depends on others. I have always remained the same over the past eight years of my career. I have always played at a very high level. Name me one other player in the history of the game who has done the same.”
Voodoo dolls of Leo Messi strewn across the floor in Ronaldo’s Saudi penthouse. Pins sticking out of every inch of material. Holes punched in walls and cracked television screens. A picture of Messi holding the World Cup and the Ballon d’Or adorn the walls of the gym. We’re entering super villain levels of hatred.
TRY A QUIZ: Can you name the 24 international teams Cristiano Ronaldo hasn’t scored against?
The Motherf*cker
Spanish football expert Guillem Balague published a biography of Leo Messi titled, simply, ‘MESSI’ in 2013. In that book, Balague suggested that despite Ronaldo attempting to play down any ill-feeling or anything beyond a healthy competitive rivalry between himself and Messi in the public eye, behind closed doors he felt very differently. A quote from the book reads:
“And that is why, according to some Real Madrid players, CR7 has a nickname for him: ‘motherf*cker’; and if he sees someone from the club speaking to Leo, he also ends up being baptised ‘motherf*cker.’
“In that environment, Ronaldo usually compares their relationship with that between the Republic of Ireland and the United Kingdom. And the Madrid players, with their less than subtle dressing-room sense of humour, have a long list of jokes that include Messi as Ronaldo’s dog or puppet, or kept in a designer handbag belonging to the Portuguese player. And much worse.”
The Ireland/UK analogy is wild and deeply inappropriate if true, but, moving past that, the motherf*cker thing is pretty funny. Big Samuel L. Jackson energy. Quite like the idea of Ronaldo shouting, “DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?!” at Angel Di Maria.
We should point out that Ronaldo tried to take legal action against Balague over this, so take this one with a pinch of salt.