Darwin Nunez is back & officially the most mental footballer in the world again

The year is 3046. Society has eloped entirely from planet Earth and we now live in an extremely advanced, alien civilisation space age. Liverpool are still waiting for Darwin Nunez to ‘kick on’ and find some consistency.

Just accept it, everyone. Acceptance is the first step towards tranquillity. That and you actually learn to enjoy football a lot more when you concede that some players are just meant to be streakier than a rasher of weird, American bacon.

The advanced alien civilisation we speak of might not come to fruition, but there are three certainties in this life. Death, taxes and Nunez switching between the best striker in the world and a man who looks like he’s never seen a game of football.

At this point, it’s just part of his DNA. Sure, he’s still relatively young at just 25 and has plenty of time to iron out that inconsistency, but the Uruguayan forward is now in his third full season at Liverpool and the only consistent thing about him is chaos.

Seriouusly, you can’t even count on him for a man bun anymore now he’s learnt about cornrows.

Here at Planet Football, though, we’re all about perspective and celebrating the beautiful game for what it is. Instead of looking at Nunez’s streaky nature as a bad thing, we look at it as the best of him.

You simply have no idea what to expect from him at any given time, and once you learn to embrace that, he suddenly becomes your favourite footballer ever.

Arne Slot was under plenty of pressure to get off to a strong start at Liverpool, which unfortunately means that hanging your hopes on Nunez isn’t really feasible. He could start and score you a brilliant brace or even a hat-trick.

The flip side of the coin, though, is that he sends four golden chances into the stands, gets into a fight with an opposition defender and ends up heading for an early bath, leaving his teammates a player down and with it all still to do. The duality of Darwin.

Slot has managed to carve out a mighty fine start with the Reds, winning three and losing just one of his opening four Premier League games in charge, and thus drafted Nunez in for his first league start of the season at home to Bournemouth.

And in textbook Nunez fashion, he didn’t disappoint. No, he didn’t commit GBH, or send an overhead kick attempt into orbit. He decided he’d channel his inner Messi and turn into the most complete and devastating forward in world football.

Oh my god what a goal from Nunez pic.twitter.com/OGfKvEgWRg

— The Anfield Wrap (@TheAnfieldWrap) September 21, 2024

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Sorry – how can you hate this lad? Box office is an understatement.

Picking up the ball near the halfway line against an already defeated Bournemouth, the Uruguayan smells blood and – almost instinctively – begins to blaze his way down the flank at Anfield, before slowing down, stalking his prey and striking.

With half an eye on goal, Nunez drops a shoulder like he’s Neymar to send his marker spinning into the next international break, before unleashing a turbocharged sh*tpinger into the far corner, with more whip than the ice cream man could ever muster up.

Naturally, it sends Anfield into frenzy. Despite Luis Diaz already scoring a brace, it was Nunez’ strike that stole the show and got fans off their seats. And that’s the magic of the mercurial Uruguayan.

He’s perfectly imperfect. Never, ever change Darwin. You gloriously unpredictable madman.

By Mitch Wilks