Ranking all 12 of Newcastle’s post-takeover signings from worst to best

Dan Ashworth has been a busy man since taking on the challenge of overseeing Newcastle United’s transfer business. The Toon have had almost limitless funds (FFP permitting) to spend on new recruits, but which of the newbies have been instant hits, and which are yet to shine?

We’ve ranked each of Newcastle’s major signings since the big takeover based on their impact since they arrived in Geordieland, and a metric we like to call ballerness.

So, without further ado…

12. Sandro Tonali

No shade to Sandro, here. He was looking good — scored on his Premier League debut. We won’t be seeing him on the pitch until August.

In the meantime, he’s already learned English and Eddie Howe says he’s training ferociously. A new signing all over again for the Geordies this summer, perhaps.

11. Lewis Hall

Hall has bags of potential and was very highly thought of in West London. His move to Newcastle is technically a loan at the moment, but is expected to be made permanent.

Opportunities have been limited for the lifelong Newcastle fan so far, with Tino Livramento deputising at left-back when Big Dan Burn has been missing.

Hall is only 18, though, and is a versatile player, able to play in central midfield, as a centre-back or even a left winger if needed. His time will come.

10. Chris Wood

Signed from fellow relegation candidates Burnley, at an inflated price, at the very start of the revolution on Tyneside. Burnley went down, Newcastle survived.

A sh*thouse signing that worked out beautifully despite the Kiwi failing to find prolific form in the Northeast. His recent hatty for Forest at St James’s only adds to his lore.

CHRIS WOOD HAS A HAT-TRICK ⚽️⚽️⚽️

What a day for the New Zealander and @NFFC! #PLonPrime #NEWNFO pic.twitter.com/ij2gtIRJ3O

— Amazon Prime Video Sport (@primevideosport) December 26, 2023

9. Harvey Barnes

Barnes missed almost the entire first half of the season, and then some, with injury. When he has played, though, the former Leicester man has looked dangerous and his eye for goal seems very much intact.

Good things are on the horizon, provided Barnes can stay fit.

8. Dan Burn

To the tune of Ultrabeat’s Pretty Green Eyes: He’s from Blyyyyyyth.

Already a cult hero who, if there’s any justice in the world, will have a f*cking massive statue built in his honour outside the ground.

A statue taller than the ground, looming over it, staring down onto the pitch from outside. That would be good.

The most unorthodox left-back on the planet has been a bit short of form recently, but he did score against PSG in the Champions League. A Geordie boy living the dream.

7. Tino Livramento

Poised to take over from Kieran Trippier in the long term, Tino has become an instant favourite with the Geordies.

That’s partially due to his consistently excellent performances, and partly because they get to chant, “TIIIIIINNOOO!!!” Again. Like it’s 1997. Gorgeous.

6. Alexander Isak

Areet, wor kid?

Undoubtedly one of the most talented players Newcastle have ever had, and scoring goals to match his performances, but constant injuries have kept him from having consistent runs in the team. Isak and Callum Wilson seem to take turns getting injured.

Hopefully, he can put those injuries in his past and crack on with becoming one of the best forwards in world football.

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5. Anthony Gordon

It took a few months of bedding in and a brief public telling off from Eddie Howe, but the fleet-footed Scouser has got everything Eddie Howe loves in a player: lightning speed, work-rate, pressing intelligence, a goal threat, and positional versatility.

Gordon has arguably been the Toon’s best player this season. More to come, we suspect.

4. Nick Pope

The Magpies are a different team when Pope is between the sticks, largely because he doesn’t stay between the sticks.

Martin Dubravka is an exceptional shot-stopper but likes to play a little deeper. Pope is equal to Dubravka in shot-stopping ability, but will readily sweep up anything that comes near his box — he led Premier League figures for sweeping up outside his own box before the major injury that still has him on the sidelines.

Newcastle can play a higher line and more intense pressing game with Pope in goal, and they’ll hope to have him back sooner rather than later.

3. Sven Botman

He’s got a name like Batman but he plays like the Terminator. The calmest head on the pitch in any given game, supremely comfortable on the ball, strong as they come, with perfectly timed tackles to boot.

The Dutchman only turned 24 last month and is destined to be one of the best in the world.

2. Bruno Guimaraes

Probably the most talented player Newcastle have ever had, if you discount that fella who scored 260 goals or whatever.

Guimaraes is certainly the most technically gifted, and an absolute coup at the £40million the Mags paid for him. The fans loved him from day one, and he loved them.

Everything Newcastle do on the pitch goes through the Brazilian genius, but there has been one post-takeover signing who has perhaps been even more influential.

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1. Kieran Trippier

Tripps has been the de facto captain of Newcastle United since he arrived, with Jamaal Lascelles no longer in the starting eleven. And what a captain he’s been.

Consistently leading assist tables and creating more chances than almost anyone in Europe’s top leagues. He’s also been defensively solid but for a dodgy spell around New Year, but it’s Trippier’s leadership that has shone.

Kieran was one of the first new faces through the door in the new era, signing from Atletico Madrid for a snip, and he has quite clearly been the leader dragging the Geordies, by the scruff of the neck, out of the mire and onto better things.

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