Darwin Nunez is having a very different season in this universe.

The Premier League scorers charts if hitting the woodwork counted as a goal

The woodwork isn’t wooden. Not these days. It’s been made of metal since the 1980s but old linguistic habits die hard.

Football matches hinge on minuscule details and, the precise angle at which a ball hits the frame of the goal has decided titles, relegation fights, and defined careers.

This season, one player has hit the woodwork more than twice as many times as any other player in the league. We’ll tell you about him shortly.

We’ve decided to look at the Premier League top scorers charts if the goal was just an inch or two bigger in every direction.

There are some fairly major changes in there, so let’s look at who’s leading the campaign for goalpost expansion, and who is quite happy with the way things are, thank you very much.

10. Phil Foden: 15 goals

The Stockport Messi has only hit the woodwork once, this season. If Phil wants to hit the target, Phil hits the target.

9. Jarrod Bowen: 16 goals

West Ham’s clinical forward has also been denied by the goalframe only once, this season. Luck has nothing to do with Bowen’s brilliant Premier League form.

Harry Kane celebrates his late winner against Manchester City, 19 February 2022 Etihad Stadium.
TRY A QUIZ: Can you name the top English goalscorer from every Premier League season?

8. Bukayo Saka: 17 goals

Starboy would jump a few places up the Golden Boot standings if it weren’t for those pesky posts and crossbar. Saka has 14 league goals so far, but has been denied by the woodwork three times. Fine margins.

7. Alexander Isak: 18 goals

Newcastle’s Swedish spaghetti-legged striker is in terrifying form just now. If you told him the world depends on him not scoring, he still wouldn’t be able to stop.

We’d all be done for. Doomed. Isak is doomed to score goals. Only hit the woodwork once, this season, as well. Class.

=5. Son Heung-Min: 19 goals

Tottenham’s Korean captain would have four more goals in our alternate reality. He only moves up one place in the overall rankings, though. It’s tough at the top.

=5. Mohamed Salah: 19 goals

The Egyptian King just loves goals and assists. It’s what he does. Kind of his thing. Mo would even more of them if posts were goals. Two more, to be precise. He still drops from joint third to fifth, overall, though.

READ NEXT: The top 10 goalscorers across world football in 2023-24: Mbappe above Kane & Ronaldo…

TRY A QUIZ: Can you name every player to score 20+ goals in a single Premier League season?

4. Darwin Nunez: 20 goals

This is the one you’ve been waiting for.

In reality, Darwin has scored just 11 goals in the 2023-24 season, yet he has hit the woodwork 9 (NINE) times. What looks like a slightly below-average season could have been transformed into a superb one.

The Uruguayan jumps from joint 12th place to 4th in the posts equals goals universe.

3. Dominic Solanke: 21 goals

Solanke is having the season of his life down at Bournemouth. The Englishman is in prolific form and looks destined to reach double figures for the Cherries in the Premier League.

He’s on 17 goals in real life but, if he’d been mere millimetres more accurate, he’d already be on 21 for the season.

2.. Erling Haaland: 22 goals

Created in a laboratory somewhere in Leeds, Haaland was unleashed into this world to score goals, and that is exactly what the f*ck he is doing. Man City’s big blonde machine has hit the woodwork twice, this season, and giving him 22 goals on our list.

1. Ollie Watkins: 24 goals

Aston Villa have been a completely different beast, this footballing year, and Watkins has been the spearhead.

There’s a solid chance we see what Ollie can produced in the Champions League next season if he can keep up this form until the end of May.