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One dashing league...

Handsome devils: Where Arsenal’s Riccardo Calafiori ranks among the Premier League’s top heartthrobs

Arsenal have not only signed a brilliant, young defender in Riccardo Calafiori, but they’ve also captured one of the game’s biggest heartthrobs.

Pre-season is in full swing and while we’d all like to pretend we’re interested in getting stuck into some deep, tactical analysis of how the Premier League’s biggest sides are shaping up heading into the 2024-25 campaign, the truth is that we’re way more interested in the league’s most devilishly handsome bastards.

Life’s too short not to follow your dreams, so we’re doing just that. With Calafiori’s move to Arsenal confirmed, we’ve taken him and X of the biggest hunks in England’s top-flight this season and ranked them on exactly how dashing they are. Sod your mind-numbing tactical chatter.

11. Kai Havertz

We’re trying to take into consideration everybody’s type here and also consider those who are simply drop-dead gorgeous no matter who you might be into. With that said, we appreciate Havertz might split opinion.

However, your humble Planet Football writer finds him extremely pretty and fancies him quite a bit. He also loves animals. He makes the cut, no ifs or buts.

10. Trent Alexander-Arnold

Trent is a devilishly handsome man made even more attractive by his ability to whip a ball like prime David Beckham and his recent switch to adidas Predators.

However, he lost points when he cut off his twists to return to a short back and sides. Boring.

9. Mason Mount

His Southern accent might not be for everyone and he gives off the impression that he might secretly love Ralph Lauren a little bit *too* much, but there’s no denying that Mount is one handsome man.

The Manchester United midfielder can rock the beard or clean shaven look, looks good with any hairstyle he rocks and generally dresses well. He’s almost too conventionally attractive, though. And is known by some as ‘Money Mase’ which we fear he might enjoy. Ick.

8. Fabian Schar

A silverfox with eyes that any striker would get lost in while trying to nip past him, Schar is a man who transcends type.

It’s all a bit ‘Take That’ with the Swiss international. You probably shouldn’t be so into him, yet you can’t help but agree with your mother who fancies the socks off of him.

The issue? He used to have a top knot – and we can’t forget about it. Sorry, Fabian. Lasting damage.

7. Virgil van Dijk

A bit like Mount, big Virgil is almost too attractive. How can you be a big brute of a defender, but at the same time look so handsome and well-kept?

It’s the hair. It’s definitely the hair. He’d care more about that bun than he would you. Still, though, annoyingly handsome and talented. Great skincare routine.

6. John Stones

He might be a little too plain for some, but there’s no denying Johnny Stones and his devilishly handsome looks. Annoying, really.

We think it might be down to the combination of ball-playing centre-back, tattoos on the arm and thigh and that soothing Yorkshire accent. Sets him apart. Can’t beat a northerner.

Enzo Fernandez of Chelsea.

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5. Alison Becker

You can beat a northerner, however, if you’re from Brazil and look like Alisson, who is undoubtedly one of the most striking chaps in football.

A big psycho goalkeeper with a beard, who can also pull off a moustache, Liverpool’s first-choice stopper looks like he’d run a nice, quaint coffee shop, but could also redo your bathroom completely on his own, while also being bloody good at football.

All-rounder and thus a heartthrob.

4. Ruben Dias

Again the foreign accent prevails. We’re too easy, we know.

Dias is more than just an accent, though. Annoyingly strapping and he knows it. A little bit more rugged, your mum loves him.

Looks like he smells brilliant. Definitely has an extensive aftershave collection.

3. Ibrahima Konate

We’re into the podium positions now and the competition is extremely high. We’re in a state of confusion when looking at Konate, fluttering between appreciation and sheer jealousy.

Liverpool’s towering centre-back stands at six-foot-four and is one of the most promising young defenders in the game. Technically and physically gifted, he’s also annoyingly handsome. Was the height advantage not enough!?


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2. Dominik Szoboszlai

Competition for places at the top is incredibly tight – particularly between the top three – but it’s Szoboszlai who takes second place.

When he’s not rifling his laces through dead balls and operating as one of the best midfielders in the Premier League, he’s finding the perfect camera angles to show off his striking eyes, razor-sharp jawline, tattoos and quiff, which is almost always just the perfect amount of messy.

It’s not just us onto Szoboszlai, either. Twitter had him sussed out from the moment he signed for Liverpool last season. The lad loves the camera, but then again so would we if we were even half as handsome as he was.

1. Riccardo Calafiori

There, we said it. Arsenal’s new signing is officially the sexiest player in the Premier League in what is a very real and serious competition. Way more important than the Premier League’s now competing for, that’s for sure.

Just look at him, for f*ck’s sake. He’s gorgeous – and bloody brilliant at football. The long hair, the tattoos and piercings, the Italian accent – he’s playing life on easy mode.

Serie A fans have been onto him for a while, but he went mainstream ahead of EURO 2024 and is now universally fancied by all of football Twitter. How could he not take top spot?