The Traitors has taken television and social media by storm once again this year, but what if we threw all 20 Premier League managers into the castle instead?
A brilliant television gameshow where the secret ‘traitors’ live among the group and slyly banish the ‘faithful’ in a bid to take home the cash prize, we think there’s plenty of potential in sticking the Premier League’s top dogs in the game and letting them battle it out to reign supreme.
With season two coming to a boil ahead of the final, Claudia Winkleman has ditched the fingerless gloves for a pair of black woolly ones and white sock tape to match. Why? Because we’ve ranked every current Premier League manager based on how they’d perform in The Traitors.
20. Jurgen Klopp
The first out, Klopp would simply get way too angry early on and talk himself into banishment at the first roundtable of the Premier League series.
Too much screaming, shouting and protesting innocence. A faithful, but not a very good one.
19. Andoni Iraola
Sorry Andoni, but you’re a very easy target — the traitors’ first kill.
Who on earth is going to be able to trace back the killing of a Bournemouth manager who we still don’t know much about? Genius. Sends the faithful into meltdown early on.
18. Thomas Frank
The Dane makes a strong first impression on the group. Charismatic, fun to chat to, has people on his side and has formed his own opinions. The traitors like what they see and recruit him.
Unfortunately, the pressure takes its toll on Frank after he becomes a traitor and the composure suddenly escapes him. He talks himself into suspicion at the roundtable and the traitors vote him off, to rectify an early error.
It was going so well, Thomas.
17. Nuno Espirito Santo
Similarly to Iraola, Nuno emerges as an easy kill and is dispatched of without a trace.
An experienced head from his time at Wolves, nobody really has any reason to kill the Nottingham Forest manager who splits opinion as is for his questionable football. Maybe next year.
16. Eddie Howe
Without Tindall in there to do his heavy lifting, we could see Howe crumbling. The dynamic duo would’ve made for a brilliant twist of fate, but it wasn’t meant to be.
He’d just be a terrible faithful, wouldn’t he? Decent in the challenges, but would wrap himself up in knots when discussing theories and pointing the finger. Puts his foot in it and ends up being banished for too many wild accusations without being able to convince others that he’s a faithful.
Tindall is waiting at the gates to pick him up.
15. Roberto De Zerbi
A man of chaos, De Zerbi would be box office in The Traitors if his football philosophies are anything to go by.
The Italian actually comes up with the correct suspects here and there, but gets there in bizarre ways with his theories simply too much for his fellow managers to comprehend.
Concerned that he’s a bit too crazy, they grow suspicious and incorrectly banish him. They’ve lost a strong player.
14. Erik ten Hag
A victim of his own poor communication, Ten Hag wraps himself up in knots despite early promise and insistence that ‘it’s clear, heh?’
With managers dropping like flies – quicker than they do in the Premier League’s pre-Christmas culling – the faithful grow suspicious of the Dutchman and put him under pressure at the roundtable.
He wins a few back, but ultimately it’s not enough. Erik is booted off – incorrectly.
13. Marco Silva
Straight after Ten Hag’s banishment, Marco Silva is killed.
It makes absolutely no sense again, and that’s why it’s perfect. The traitors are playing a blinding game with only one gone. Claudia Winkleman is extremely impressed with her traitors.
12. Mikel Arteta
Arteta has his fans in the group, but people are wary of his wild theories and interesting approach to trying to figure out the traitors.
Excels in the challenges but likes to remind people of the effort he’s making to contribute, which makes him hard to live with. Some grow suspicious of the Spaniard and his unique suggestions involving speakers and diagrams on a whiteboard.
A misunderstood faithful, he’s banished.
11. Pep Guardiola
Similarly to Arteta, Pep is a difficult nut to crack.
Football’s ultimate mastermind, people are wary of overthinking but also underestimating his genius. He’s also really strange and difficult to talk to. Has been on people’s lists of suspicion since day one, but has managed to convince some of his faithful nature.
Until he deploys a really weird pokerface at the roundtable and essentially talks himself out of the door. What a disaster.
10. David Moyes
Somewhat of an underdog, you’ve got to be thick-skinned in The Traitors. Moyes has seen it all throughout his time in management.
Not everything he does is pretty, but it’s effective. He learns how to stay afloat early on and powers his way through. Some in the castle respect him, but others have grown tired of him constantly believing he’s correct and pointing the finger.
It eventually catches up to him and he’s incorrectly banished, saving the traitors a big job of having to kill a big name.
9. Unai Emery
Quietly emerging as a faithful with his ear to the floor as the game progresses, Emery is killed immediately after Moyes in a bid to throw players off the track once again.
However, it’s a risk. A few had begun to get behind the Spaniard and his theories about who could be behind the chaos. The pot has been stirred.
8. Roy Hodgson
Finally, the faithful have caught another traitor. Hodgson played a brilliant game and managed to sneak through while his old pal Moyesy was thrown to the wolves, with nobody suspecting a thing due to him being the elder statesman.
Emery had clocked him, though, and another traitor had realised that. He struggled in the missions, but you can’t blame him. Lovely company, too. A brilliant traitor, but hung out to dry by his own.
7. Chris Wilder
With Roy gone, the traitors opt to recruit in a bid to stop the faithful from growing stronger. They call on Wilder, back in from a previous exile.
He’s the perfect candidate. Experienced, personable, left-field and would thrive in the dog fight.
There’s an issue, though. He refuses the offer. And now he’s suspicious. Killed before he can cause a stir.
6. Vincent Kompany
Learning from the failings of Pep and Arteta, Kompany keeps his cards close to his chest throughout as he realises that people can talk themselves into banishment.
Unfortunately, though, he just can’t help himself as we near the end game and the hard work would unravel. For all his efforts, the Belgian would end up losing a grasp of what got him so far in the first place.
Unable to deflect suspicions, he’s out.
5. Ange Postecoglou
It’s looking bleak at this point, but there’s one last push from the remaining faithful who get out another traitor – and it’s a big one.
Big Ange would be the perfect traitor. He’s got everyone in the palm of his hand, both the players and the audience at home hang off his every word and he’s even stolen a few shields in challenges along the way to keep up the persona.
The issue? He’s too perfect. A traitor from the very start, suspicion inevitably begins to rise about the man who’s everybody’s friend. It’s a tough gig staying at the top of the mountain and it ultimately catches up to him. Banished.
4. Mauricio Pochettino
One traitor remains at this point, but they opt against killing.
Pochettino would go far as a loveable rogue who nobody would genuinely suspect of being a traitor. He doesn’t pose much of a threat, either, and thus coasts through without being killed.
A quietly strong showing allows him to slip through unscathed, and he thinks they’ve smashed it. They haven’t.
3. Sean Dyche
We get to the final with just three standing, and they think they’ve ousted the final traitor.
Dychey has been a trusted player throughout, proving endearing to the group but not by pandering to people or being the loudest in the room. Crucially, he figured out Postecoglou and realised he’d been too nice to the entire group throughout.
2. Rob Edwards
Getting on with Dyche like a house on fire, Edwards has been quiet but collected throughout. Strong in the challenges and always able to defend himself, there was never any doubting his loyalty as a faithful.
While perhaps not quite as vocal as Dyche in his opinions, the Luton boss comes across as trustworthy and agrees that they believe they’ve weeded out what remains of the traitors.
They can smell the cash prize, but they won’t be tasting it.
1. Gary O’Neil
A mastermind at work, O’Neil has blended in so seamlessly that even you forgot all about him.
Much like in real life, the Wolves manager has swept in as the underdog and blown everybody away. Recruited by Postecoglou earlier in the game, O’Neil ousted his traitor colleague at just the right time and completely flew under the radar, with nobody paying him an ounce of attention.
He’s just the perfect traitor. Completely unassuming, strong in the challenges, quiet but confident and has no ties to the string of murders they committed.
Dychey and Edwards are heartbroken, and not even about the money. They’ve been swindled.