17 horrifically cringey ads starring Michael Owen: Asda, Dubai, Persil…

Quick Reads
Former Liverpool and Real Madrid player Michael Owen advertising Spey.

Michael Owen likes to get his face on TV, whether it be as a football pundit, covering horse racing, or as the face of a remarkably wide range of advertisements.

Since his career began in the late 90s, Owen has been appearing on our screens in some of the most cringe-worthy advertisements going.

We’ve taken a look through the archives to dig out some of the worst, which will make you wince and cover your eyes, with a number of funny lines thrown in for good measure.

Huawei

“Best move of your life?” asks Joe Cole.

“Yeah, and the easiest.”

To be fair, it was probably a better switch than joining Stoke to spend the last season of your career sat on the bench watching Pulisball.

Asda

You’re lying if you say you never tried to header one of those boards in a supermarket when you were a kid. But a 25-year-old Owen doing it is a bit odd.

Sporties

“To be as successful as Michael Owen takes years of hard work, tons of effort, buckets of sweat and… a splash of milk on your Sporties,” is the voiceover, as Owen munches on what look suspiciously like Shreddies.

 

Walkers

Calling the crisps cheese and Owen says it all, as Walkers legend Gary Lineker attempts to take out the 18-year-old England striker in the early days of a weird relationship between football and the crisps.

Celcom

Short and sweet but rousing and inspiring, the power is in your hands.

Domino’s

We actually quite like this.

Spey Whisky

You think the voiceover is cringey enough, while the sip of the whisky itself is pretty painful viewing even if brief.

But then. Then you get to the fingers on lips at the end, accompanied with Owen whispering “keep the secret”.

Gowing Law

This might just be our favourite. Every little line is absolutely golden, not to mention his closing remark, which is astonishing and surprisingly quite well delivered.

Walkers

The crisps giant were continuing their theme of Lineker’s jealousy of Owen into the new millennium, with the 1986 Golden Boot winner setting up a fake school visit for Owen in which he would end up playing rugby against a full rugby team.

Dubai

Every single second of this promo video of Owen flying around Dubai in a chopper (or not..) and just reacting in a typically mundane manner to everything.

A highlight has to be: “It looks small from here, but it really is quite large.”

Persil

This is quite adorable until you get to the end and Owen’s line, which you can only cringe at.

Gowing Law

Yep, there’s more. “Michael Owen, injured again” is astonishing.

Intel Centrino

This is just all kinds of bizarre.

Gowing Law

And now, the radio edition.

FA Cup on Al Jazeera

It’s not that bad an advert, but Owen’s voice just doesn’t lend itself to voiceovers at all.

His official YouTube channel, Michael Owen Online, also decided to abbreviate itself to MOO and plaster that in huge letters at the bottom of videos…

Lucozade

If there’s one thing Joey Tribbiani taught us, it’s that, to act, you need to be able to react when you don’t have a line. It’s what separates the amateurs from the professionals.

Well, remarkably, Owen doesn’t say a single word in this advert, featuring an old bloke with his arse out in the shower.

Say no more.

Resecurity

Come on mate, put some effort in.

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Liverpool Michael Owen