22 of Jurgen Klopp’s best quotes: ‘If that’s not bullsh*t, I’ll eat a broomstick!’
Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp is not only one of the most highly-regarded coaches in Europe, he’s also one of the funniest.
Klopp’s teams are generally exciting to watch, but the German often provides just as much entertainment with his touchline behaviour and post-match interviews.
Football would be a poorer sport without him…
His playing career
“I never succeeded in bringing to the field what was going on in my brain. I had the talent for the fifth division, and the mind for the Bundesliga. The result was a career in the second division.”
Arsene Wenger
“He likes having the ball, playing football, passes. It’s like an orchestra. But it’s a silent song. I like heavy metal.”
Modern football
“It doesn’t make it any easier to run your heart out when you’ve just woken up in a five-star hotel. Too much comfort makes you comfortable.”
Henrikh Mkhitaryan
“Mkhitaryan fits us like an arse on a bucket. What he offers is exactly what we need.”
Dealing with defeat
“You have to feel a defeat. You cannot say ‘I don’t care, it’s not important.’ If I was allowed to say sh*t I would say sh*t but I’m not allowed!
“It was important and we lost, so that feels not too good. You always have to strike back. We can say all of these things, but you know you can fall down and then you have to stand up.
“That’s the truth, but it’s completely normal – only silly idiots stay on the floor and wait for the next defeat. Of course we will strike back – 100%. We struck back today in the game.”
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Bayern Munich
“We have a bow and arrow and if we aim well, we can hit the target. The problem is that Bayern has a bazooka. But then Robin Hood was quite successful.”
The Normal One
“I’m a totally normal guy, I came from the Black Forest. I’m the Normal One.”
Losing the 2013 CL final
“The only thing I can say is that it was great. London is the town of the Olympic Games. The weather was good, everything is OK. Only the result is sh*t.”
Juventus
“We’re facing the greatest challenge there is in football: to play against an Italian team that only needs a draw.”
Half-time team talk
“I told my players during the break: Since we’re here anyway, we might actually play a bit of football.”
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Mario Gotze
“He’s leaving because he’s Guardiola’s favourite. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine. I can’t make myself shorter and learn Spanish.”
Mats Hummels to Man Utd
“If that’s not a bullsh*t story, I’ll eat a broomstick!”
Hair transplant
“Yes, it’s true. I underwent a hair transplant. I think the results are really cool, don’t you?”
His wife
“She wrote a book for children. It’s like Harry Potter – but it’s about football. There’s no Harry Potter flying on his f**king stick – just football.”
Team building
“You can speak about spirit, or you can live it. We took the team to a lake in Sweden where there was no electricity. We went for five days without food.”
READ: 13 quotes to explain Jurgen Klopp’s philosophy: ‘I always want it loud’
Musical ambitions
“I couldn’t have been a rock star, although I do sing Country Road very loudly on the PlayStation.”
Sex the night before matches
“My players sleep in double rooms the night before the match. I hope that nothing happens.”
Dortmund losing their best players
“I got more in life than I was ever supposed to get – family, money, football. None of my teachers, or my parents, ever believed this would happen to me. So how can this perfect life of mine be spoilt because they take our players?”
Winning the 2012 German Cup
“It could have been a bit warmer.”
What’s it like to win a title – to a Schalke fan
“How do you explain to a blind person what colour is?”
Barcelona
“I show my team very often Barcelona but not the way they play. Just the way they celebrate goals. Goal no 5768 in the last few weeks and they go ‘Yeeeess’ like they never scored a goal. This is what I love about football. That’s what you have to feel all the time. Until you die. And then everything is OK.”
Marching orders
“I’m a bit proud of my first red card as a coach. I approached the fourth official and said: ‘How many mistakes are allowed here? If it’s 15, you have one more.”