7 sh*t Liverpool players we couldn’t help but love: Caulker, Balotelli…

Steven Gerrard, Luis Suarez, Mohamed Salah… Liverpool have been blessed with some of the world’s top talent strutting their stuff at Anfield over the years – but not every Liverpool player has been world-class.

It’s important to remember that even the worst Liverpool player has more footballing talent in their toenail than your entire body; stick Bruno Cherouyu in your Thursday night PowerLeague and weep as he leaves you puffing on your inhaler.

With that said, Liverpool have had some pretty substandard players by their own lofty standards. We’ve taken a look at seven that didn’t cut the mustard but still left us smiling.

Steven Caulker

Signed by Jurgen Klopp as an emergency centre-back? Before being played up front and actually assisting the winning goal in a 5-4 thriller at Norwich?

No further questions, Your Honour.

Mario Balotelli

Balotelli was a disastrous signing for Liverpool, from swapping shirts with Pepe at half-time during a spanking by Real Madrid to a one-match suspension for tweets containing racist and anti-semitic influences.

Widely regarded as one of the Red’s worst transfers of all time, at least Balotelli scored the winner against Spurs at Anfield and, ultimately, is just a very hard person to hate.

Aly Cissokho


Aly Cissokho of Liverpool

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Andy Carroll

Arriving at Liverpool in a helicopter for a British record £35million fee was always going to create sky-high expectations for Carroll that he wouldn’t be able to fulfil.

“When I was leaving Newcastle for Liverpool, I was in the helicopter on the way down and I had to go to Google to find out who their players were, looking on the phone,” Carroll told the Daily Mail in 2017. “I was signing and I didn’t know who my team-mates would be!

“I knew Stevie and some of the others but not all of them. And I loved it at Newcastle. I wasn’t ready to leave. It came as a shock.

“I’d had a season ticket, it was my club and it was a shock to move. I was 22. I could never get a grip at Liverpool.”

The Anfield faithful was patient with Carroll, acknowledging his talent despite his inability to show it consistently, and many fondly remember his cameo in he 2012 FA Cup final.

Iago Aspas

Yes, Aspas has scored 10+ La Liga goals for Celta Vigo in the last eight seasons. But his time at Anfield will always be remembered for that corner…

Rickie Lambert

With the £75million for Luis Suarez burning a hole in their back pocket, Liverpool went shopping for striking reinforcements in the summer of 2014 as they looked to improve on finishing second the previous season.

The likes of Alexis Sanchez, Diego Costa and Radamel Falcao were on the market that summer. Liverpool settled for Rickie Lambert, who’d just gone to the World Cup after a good couple of years for Southampton.

Despite scoring just three goals, Liverpool managed to sell him at a profit to West Brom. No harm done.

Milan Jovanovic

Forget the terrible football, Jovanovic was namechecked on Neighbours. Pretty motherlovin’ cool.

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