There’s a firesale going on at Manchester United, with as many as 13 senior players being given a price tag and put on the transfer list ahead of next season.
Erik ten Hag is desperate to make good on his debut campaign at Old Trafford, but is currently having his legs cut off in the transfer market due to the club’s perilous ownership situation, and the fact that they’re not that good at the whole recruitment thing.
The Daily Mail report that 13 first-team stars are up for sale this summer.
The two things are probably (definitely) linked, but we’re not here to moan about sensible things like that. When your £80million centre-back and your £73million winger have just been listed up for sale for a grand total of £85million for the pair, there are more important things to discuss.
Those things being ranking each United player up for sale based on how useless they’ve been for the club.
13. Scott McTominay
A fan favourite at United? Outside of a minority group, not at all. But McTominay came up through the academy for nothing and would leave for at least £30million, despite his reported pricetag being closer to £40million.
Best moment: Screamer vs Manchester City
Worst moment: Disasterclass at the AMEX, 2021-22
Lasting legacy: Lockdown Zidane era, terrible nickname
Hard to really split McTominay from Fred. They were at their best together, and their worst together. Cut from the same cloth, the Brazilian arrived for a £50million fee and is therefore scrutinised a touch more.
Best moment: Remembering he had a Brazilian passport for a few months under Ralf Rangnick
Worst moment: Being a terrible impact sub ever in Ten Hag’s first season
Lasting legacy: Being the most inconsistent player imaginable across a 90-minute game
11. Anthony Elanga
Elanga looked like a young forward with real promise when he was promoted and used regularly by Rangnick. A diamond in the rough, he’s failed to kick on since, but is now a full-time Sweden international and has bags of raw potential. Exactly the type of player United sell and later regret.
Best moment: Atletico Madrid away
Worst moment: Being overplayed by Rangnick
Lasting legacy: Had a brilliant chant made for him
Anthony Elanga with a MASSIVE goal for Man Utd!
So many stars struggling all evening and an academy graduate comes off the bench to bag the goal 🙌
— Football on BT Sport (@btsportfootball) February 23, 2022
10. Zidane Iqbal
Set to join FC Utrecht for a fee of around £800,000, United fans are miffed that Iqbal didn’t get more of a chance before being sold. If the manager doesn’t want him fine. But £800k? Really? Come on, team.
Best moment: Excellent pre-season under Ten Hag
Worst moment: Being exiled after that
Lasting legacy: Promising player, sold too soon
9. Brandon Williams
Made his debut under Solskjaer and briefly looked like a very promising young full-back, but didn’t get the chances to impress after his breakthrough season and stagnated. Has since been forgotten about and will never really get a look-in again at United. Time to move on.
Best moment: POTM vs Brighton, 2019
Worst moment: Weird Instagram outburst post-City treble win
Lasting legacy: Brief first-team stint under Solskjaer; overstayed his welcome
8. Hannibal Mejbri
Made the switch from Monaco to Manchester in 2019. Burst onto the scene after a strong stint into the youth system. Spent 2022-23 out on loan at Birmingham, but now suddenly finds himself on the chopping block for just £13million. Ouch.
Best moment: Senior debut vs Wolves in 2021
Worst moment: N/A
Lasting legacy: ‘What if?’
7. Dean Henderson
A slow ascent up through the youth ranks saw Henderson quietly blossom into one of the most promising young goalkeepers in England. Two loans with Sheffield United earned him a new deal at United and positioned him to become the heir to David de Gea’s throne. Until he didn’t.
Fallen by the wayside since; probably wasn’t ever good enough to actually step up.
Best moment: Back-to-back clean sheets in first two United games
Worst moment: Slagging off United and burning all bridges ahead of Nottingham Forest loan
Lasting legacy: Didn’t take the very small chance afforded to him
6. Harry Maguire
Many would expect Maguire to be further up the useless rankings, but a combination of others being more useless and Maguire not being that horrendous saves him.
Was never, ever worth the world-record fee United paid, nor was he ever going to be. Had a good first season or two, before the wheels fell off. Won’t be missed.
Best moment: Debut vs Chelsea, lockdown season
Worst moment: Getting injured in run to the 2021 Europa League final
Lasting legacy: A good player simply out of his depth, who United overpaid for
5. Anthony Martial
It all started so well for Martial at United. Scoring the winner on debut against Liverpool as a teenager, he was destined for stardom. Then injuries took over and Martial began to look less interested with each passing season.
Random revival during 2019-20 proved to be nothing more than a purple patch. A bad breakup that needs to end for good.
Best moment: Debut goal vs Liverpool
Worst moment: Take your pick of games.
Lasting legacy: Brilliant chant; way too streaky to ever lead the line for United. Infuriating.
4. Eric Bailly
If only he was as consistently good as he was consistently chaotic. Bailly looked like a stroke of genius when signing in 2016, but again, injuries took over. Now a shadow of the player he once was; quickly looked like a car crash of a defender in more recent times.
Best moment: Incredible debut season before injury
Worst moment: Constantly injured; too erratic in later seasons
Lasting legacy: Mad bastard. King of no context content.
Out Of Context Eric Bailly. pic.twitter.com/G9aklbKEu6
— 🇾🇪🔰 (@Retro_Utd) November 19, 2020
3. Donny van de Beek
United missed out on Jack Grealish in 2021, so turned to what looked a very good deal to buy Van de Beek from Ajax instead. Started brightly, but was never trusted – or even wanted – by Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, thus disappeared off the face of the earth.
A combination of bad luck with injuries and failure to take his chances ever since. Nightmare for all parties involved.
Best moment: Scoring on debut vs Crystal Palace
Worst moment: Going completely AWOL in the time since
Lasting legacy: Why did United sign a player they didn’t want?
2. Alex Telles
Signed to provide competition and perhaps replace Luke Shaw in 2021, Telles came in and apart from a few flashes, never ever looked capable of playing for United.
Lost his place – to Luke Shaw – and has since inspired the Englishman to become one of the best left-backs in Europe. Ten Hag probably doesn’t even know he’s still on the books.
Best moment: Screamer vs Villarreal
Worst moment: Most of his only season at the club
Lasting legacy: Replaced by the man he was signed to replace
1. Jadon Sancho
United spent two summers chasing Sancho tirelessly in the most insufferable transfer saga ever, before finally completing a deal in 2021 for a cut-price £73million.
Some shrewd business considering Borussia Dortmund wanted in excess of £100million. Or at least it would’ve been if Sancho showed any sustained period of world-class form in the time since.
He’s now on the chopping block with a £45million price tag. A disaster of the highest proportions.
Best moment: Goal vs Liverpool, 2022-23
Worst moment: Sent off for months of individual training and coming back no better
Lasting legacy: Two-year-long saga for a player who couldn’t handle the heat
Jadon Sancho didn't just score Man Utd's first goal of the season… he sat James Milner on his arse while doing so.
— Planet Football (@planetfutebol) August 22, 2022