Footballers’ nicknames are rarely too imaginative – but there have been some gems over the years.
Keano. Carra. Lamps. Crouchy. These are footballer nicknames. Safe. No-nonsense. You know what you’re getting with a footballer nickname.
Occasionally, though, someone gets a bit more inventive – as they did with this lot…
One of the surprise stars of the 2018 World Cup, Maguire not only came home from Russia with a lot more respect for his footballing ability, but also much more attention over the size of his head.
So much so that Gabby Logan asked him about it in an interview during the tournament, in which he revealed his nickname among the squad (and subsequently the fans): Slabhead.
— BBC Sport (@BBCSport) July 10, 2018
He had a decent career with clubs including Crystal Palace, Wigan, QPR and Watford, but he’s undoubtedly remembered most because of his nickname.
The defender is known as One Size because, y’know, One Size Fitz Hall.
We love Louis van Gaal, to be honest. He’s just a bit mad, isn’t he?
There was the falling over on the sideline, that weird scream of ‘Louis van Gaal’s Red Army’, that time he danced on a boat at Pride in Amsterdam.
Oh, and for some reason he kept calling Smalling ‘Mike’.
“Even when we’re going to games and getting off the coach, it’s all ‘Mike, Mike, Mike’, and even though it can get annoying, it’s one of those which is just going to stick with me and I’ve got to roll with it,” Smalling told BT Sport in 2015.
“It’s not Mike in the dressing room, but I think every fan knows me as Mike now.”
Chris Smalling makes me nervous, get Mike back
— Alcantara (@AlexLannon95) October 14, 2017
Relating to everyone’s favourite time of year, one-time Manchester City loanee Musampa was affectionately know as Chris.
Work it out.
Every year, on September 20, Goodfellow’s friends and family sing happy birthday to the former Stoke winger.
Then they follow it up with three cheers.
And then they sing his nickname, Freezer.
Freezer Jolly Goodfellow, right?
Bobby Robson was never the best with names.
Once, he entered a lift with England captain Bryan Robson and said cheerily: “Hello, Bobby.”
“I’m Bryan,” the skipper replied. “You’re Bobby.”
Likewise, a reporter was once left disappointed after asking Ameobi what his Newcastle team-mates called him, only to be told: “Shola.”
The journalist then asked the striker what his manager called him.
“He calls me Carl Cort.”
@BillyNeyMates signing autographs asked how many he'd done said Hundreds kid walked off Bobby signed his autograph it read Bobby Hundreds
— Cass (@PeterCass1981) September 3, 2014
Everyone knows a Killer, but few have earned the name as much as Hales without… well, without actually killing anyone probably.
The moniker was partly because of the striker’s deadly finishing for Charlton, for whom he scored 168 goals.
He also used to help out at his family’s butchers, adorned with slaughterhouse, and was once sent off in an FA Cup tie for fighting with his own team-mate.
are quite scared of him like him.
When Brian Clough started his fateful spell as Leeds United manager, he turned to fearsome defender Norman ‘Bites Yer Legs’ Hunter and said: “Hunter, you’re a dirty bastard and everyone hates you. I know everyone likes to be loved, and you’d like to be loved too, wouldn’t you?”
Hunter replied: “Actually I couldn’t give a f*ck.”
Similarly, when Les Cocker was once told Hunter had broken a leg, the physio asked: “Whose is it?”
We’ve only seen the odd reference to this in the corners of the internet (one bloke has tweeted it about four times) so are not entirely certain if it is true or not.
But if former Chelsea defender Mancienne is not known as Haunted then we give up.
You know the one. Liverpool. Striker. A bit naff. Bolton as well. Had to deny he went missing in France once.
Yes, that’s the one.
Anyway. His nickname is Wash apparently. Wash N’Gog. Wash N’Go.
Oh forget it. Never mind.
Any more to add? Tweet us at @planetfutebol.
Sometimes it’s okay to go back.
Strap yourselves in. This is a biggie.
Exactly a quarter of them play for Chelsea.
It’s time to stop listening to Three Lions now.
We’d love to see this game played in real life.
They already love his “powerful right leg”.
Leighton Baines speaks to The Mind Map.
Not a good day to be an ATV Irdning fan.
Can we do it all again?
Try getting this Southgate chant out of your head.