Ranking the most iconic bald managers by how ‘complicated’ they are ft. Ten Hag, Pep…

Arturo Vidal has hilariously claimed that ‘these bald guys are complicated’ after discussing Erik ten Hag’s treatment of Cristiano Ronaldo, which naturally has made us think – exactly who is the most complicated bald manager of them all?

The bald manager has become somewhat of a footballing phenomenon in recent times, particularly following the rise of Pep Guardiola. For all of his tactical and managerial prowess, he can sometimes come across as a bit of a madman. Some reckon that it’s simply a common gene among the best bald managers in football.

Vidal certainly seems to think so, anyway, so we’re putting it to the test today and ranking all of the best bald managers in the game by how ‘complicated’ they seem.

10. Thierry Henry

Continually floats between pundit, manager, assistant coach and Kate Abdo’s admirer. Bit of an identity crisis forming. Suave, but the baldness is slowly taking over.

Reason for being complicated: Identity crisis.

Complicated rating: 5/10

9. Stefano Pioli

Pioli, while an immensely stylish and now a Scudetto-winning Milan manager, is a bit of a unique case. Makes strange tactical and personnel decisions aplenty and was never meant to be the guy to revive Milan, but somehow randomly did.

Reason for being complicated: Somehow keeps winning despite calls for his sack every month.

Complicated rating: 5.5/10

8. Vincent Kompany

New to the management game, Kompany wowed just about everyone in his first season at Burnley with total football-style dominance. His head is massive, though, and he wears strange touchline garms.

Reason for being complicated: Won’t ever take off that cap, no matter the outfit. Grow up.

Complicated rating: 6/10

7. Zinedine Zidane

Is he actually any good as a manager? Really? Nobody knows, and that’s absolutely mental considering he’s won Real Madrid three Champions Leagues – only a bald man could find himself in this dilemma.

Reason for being complicated: Has won three Champions Leagues as a manager yet no club will go near him.

Complicated rating: 6.5/10

6. Bob Bradley

Should be a very good manager at this point considering his wealth of experience. Is considered one everywhere except England, where he remains the butt of the joke.

Reason for being complicated: Has split personalities across borders

Complicated rating: 7/10

5. Sean Dyche

A man who will not compromise on his vertical football morals, Dychey is a dying art in the modern game. Still unsure as to how he keeps going. Everton might put a stop to that.

Reason for being complicated: Bald by choice. Cannot be trusted.

Complicated rating: 7/10

4. Luciano Spalletti

The roundest head known to man. Endless charisma and a managerial career that saw him go around the houses before winning Napoli’s first Serie A crown since 1990.

Reason for being complicated: Looks more like a used car parts salesman than a manager. Left Napoli immediately after winning.

Complicated rating: 7.5/10

3. Erik ten Hag

Sorry, Arturo. He’s made the list, but doesn’t top it. For all the good he’s done at Manchester United, Ten Hag definitely has some distinct ‘bald-isms’ from his awkwardness in press conferences to never rotating his side.

Reason for being complicated: Please rest your players, Erik. Please.

Complicated rating: 8/10

2. Antonio Conte

A dark horse. Conte was bald as ever as a player but now has a full wig. Can’t be trusted at all. Also acts like an incredibly bald man when managing.

Reason for being complicated: Bald denier.

Complicated rating: 9/10

1. Pep Guardiola

The king of the bald managers. The undisputed champ. Tactical mastermind. Press conference extraordinaire. Complete weirdo.

Reason for being complicated: There are simply too many. Take your pick.

Complicated rating: 10/10

Pep Guardiola and Zlatan Ibrahimovic

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