Chelsea may have benefited from some of the best strikers of the Premier League era, but their recruitment of goalscorers leaves a lot to be desired.
We’ve ranked every striker signed by Chelsea since Roman Abramovich bought the club.
Note: We’re talking about proper strikers, not forwards like Salomon Kalou who generally played out wide, while we’ve excluded youngsters signed for Chelsea’s academy sides. Sorry, Daniel Philliskirk.
Look, we understand how this happened. We signed Di Santo from Audax Italiano on Football manager too, and he promptly banged them in for our Sunderland side in the Premier League.
But it was still less embarrassing for Chelsea to let Steve Sidwell and Khalid Boulahrouz wear the No.9 shirt than Di Santo.
“I dreamed to play here since I was 10 years old. It was just what I was searching for,” Lukaku said upon joining Chelsea as an 18-year-old from Anderlecht, citing Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink as one of his favourite strikers.
This should have worked. But it didn’t. Fifteen appearances. Zero goals. A decisive penalty miss in the shoot-out defeat to Bayern Munich in the UEFA Super Cup. Two seasons out on loan in which he scored more Premier League goals than any Chelsea player.
Still, £8million profit.
We’re not sure why Chelsea signed Falcao after he had failed so miserably at Manchester United, but sign him they did.
One goal in a dozen appearances, only one of which came after October due to fitness issues. If only they’d been warned.
If the signing of Falcao was weird, Pato’s arrival on loan to essentially replace the injury-stricken Colombian was the equivalent of Chelsea shrugging their shoulders and mouthing ‘f*ck it’ as their title challenge crumbled around them.
Still, one goal in two games is not to be sniffed at, even if it was a penalty against an absolutely rancid Aston Villa side.
I have absolutely no memory of Alexandre Pato playing for Chelsea. https://t.co/5LPabbzElX
— Ankit (@ankitpathak04) August 12, 2018
Signing a 28-year-old Pizarro, with over 100 Bundesliga goals to his name, on a free transfer from Bayern Munich sounds like shrewd business.
But a debut goal against Birmingham City was followed by just one more strike, coincidentally in the return fixture against Birmingham.
Birmingham were relegated from the Premier League that season.
There’s something about a move to Stamford Bridge which can somehow suck the goals out of a striker, with Kezman a case in point.
In the Serbian’s five seasons prior to joining the Blues, he scored 35, 31, 20, 40 and 38 goals. In his solitary campaign in west London, he scored seven, and his career never truly recovered.
He does, however, deserve credit for notching the winner in the League Cup final win over Liverpool, playing his part in the 4-2 thriller against Barcelona, and having a weirdly satisfying name.
A proper, bona-fide, world-class centre-forward, signed to huge acclaim from one of the biggest clubs in Europe in a British record transfer. This is what Abramovich wanted when he took over Chelsea.
Sadly, it turned out Sheva was actually a bit sh*t by the time he arrived in London. That’s probably not what Abramovich wanted.
And yet he’s this high because he scored more than double the amount of goals his predecessors in this list managed combined.
Remember when Remy was a really good Premier League goalscorer?
The £10.5million signing bagged 12 goals in 47 games for the Blues while being used as a back-up option, including crucial strikes against Manchester City, Stoke and Hull, to help Jose Mourinho’s side win the title in 2014-15.
Chelsea went to a lot of trouble to sign Sturridge from Manchester City, who was still just 19. The eventual fee had to be decided at a tribune, who set the striker’s value at £8.3million.
A league title, two FA Cups and a Champions League (albeit he was an unused substitute in the final) represent the only silverware of his career, and a record of a goal every 188.9 minutes is a decent return for a back-up forward.
Antonio Conte falling out with Diego Costa to sign Morata for £60million was probably a bad idea, but there was that period when he first moved to Stamford Bridge and looked genuinely quite good.
Good haircut at times, too.
A young Belgian striker signed for a big fee who has shown good goalscoring instincts despite concerns about his all-round game. Sound familiar?
Unlike Lukaku, Batshuayi has actually scored for Chelsea, at a healthy rate of one goal every 93.3 minutes in fact, and he even bagged the winner which clinched the 2016-17 Premier League title.
We like him, even if nobody else seems to.
Technically, this is almost a free transfer for Chelsea: they paid Parma £15.8million to sign the Romanian in 2003, but the player was later ordered to pay the Blues £15million in damages after being banned and then sacked having being caught taking cocaine.
Admittedly, as of October 2018, Chelsea were still waiting to be paid by Mutu, who has continued to fight the decision.
He was quite good though.
— Chad (@ChelseaChadder) August 23, 2018
Scored a hat-trick against Manchester United and took the piss out of Jose Mourinho for suggesting he was actually 35, not 32 years old, by celebrating a goal against Spurs by pretending he was an old man.
A solid season from Samuel, there.
On the face of it, 14 goals in 51 games is hardly anything to write home about, but look at the finer details and a different picture becomes apparent.
A winner against Manchester United in a quarter-final of the FA Cup, a winner against PSG in a Champions League quarter-final, the opener against Liverpool at Anfield after that Steven Gerrard slip.
Not bad value from a £7million signing from Newcastle United, all in all.
Not quite the flop many have decided. (Still a bit of a flop though.)
It’s a damning indictment of Chelsea’s striker recruitment that a man who spent three of his five seasons at the club out on loan can be argued to be their fourth best signing in that department.
Yeah, he missed that penalty in the Champions League final, but he also won a title, two FA Cups and the Golden Boot.
Only eight players have scored more Premier League goals for Chelsea, six of whom made at least 50 appearances or more than Anelka.
A nasty, hilarious, brilliant sh*thouse of a striker. Mint.
It was always going to be him, wasn’t it? The undisputed king, for this moment alone.
On this day in 2012, Didier Drogba's late equaliser and winning penalty helped Chelsea to their first Champions League trophy…
— Football on BT Sport (@btsportfootball) May 19, 2017
A few surprising names make the cut.
In what areas has he dropped off?
Nabil Fekir makes football look so, so easy.
Including an extremely satisfying half-volley.
Just the 25 red cards for Ramos at Real Madrid.
Ravel Morrison’s career has been, erm, interesting
One of Sheva’s finest moments.
Ramsey has produced some special moments.
The best goal you’ll see anywhere this weekend.