The Halloween costume every Premier League manager would wear at a party

Quick Reads

The restrictions around coronavirus will stop plenty of people across the country from actually doing something for Halloween.

Well, fear not, we’ve put a hypothetical party together and every Premier League manager is invited for a day that should bring a mix of goals and ghouls.

So, here is the outfit that we think every Premier League manager would wear.

Mikel Arteta – Dracula

Having flown the Pep Guardiola nest, Arteta is now ready to suck the life out of any opposition and hit them with a goal from Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang.

More importantly, the way his hair appears glued to his head already makes him look like he could be a vampire.

Dean Smith – Night Fever

In Smith’s mind, there is nothing better than an evening game at Villa Park, with the fans drumming up the sort of electric atmosphere that pushes his team on.

He’s missing that feeling; dressing up as Night Fever feels like the closest he can get to that for now. Each to their own Dean, each to their own.

Graham Potter – Harry Potter

Graham searches for talented prospects with as much passion as Harry hunted down Horcruxes. While Harry destroyed them, and ultimately Voldermort, Graham is moulding his finds into players who can perform in the Premier League.

His Paul Weller-lite fringe would slightly hide the scar, too.

Sean Dyche – The Thing

Tough and streetwise, with skin as rough as Dyche’s vocal cords, there was only ever going to be one option here.

A lot of people would only use an outfit like this if there was going to be the rest of the Fantastic Four, but Dyche isn’t afraid to do things differently.

Frank Lampard – N/A

Lampard is having none of it. Jurgen Klopp gave it large, Jose Mourinho argued with him, and whenever he sees someone wearing a fake moustache and glasses he immediately assumes it’s one of Marcelo Bielsa’s spies.

There are just too many men here who have broken the code, so he’s not taking part until they show some respect.

Roy Hodgson – The Mummy

We’ll be honest with you, this is purely because the bloke is ancient. We’ll be honest with you, we quite like the idea of watching him try to unravel all the toilet paper too.

Carlo Ancelotti – Professor X

Everton have been quality this season. James Rodriguez is pinging beautiful balls around, Dominic Calvert-Lewin has turned into an absolute goal machine and Allan is running games from the middle of the park.

What can be forgotten at times is that Ancelotti is behind the scenes pulling the strings to make sure this happens. He isn’t usually the loudest on the sidelines, but he’s controlling everything.

Scott Parker – Tasmanian Devil

This has absolutely nothing to do with Parker’s management style or how he has done during his time at Fulham.

The Tasmanian Devil is constantly spinning around – at least in the cartoons we’ve watched – in much the same vein of Parker on the ball in his playing days.

READ: An ode to Scott Parker’s trademark 360 degree turns at West Ham

Marcelo Bielsa – Albert Einstein

He’s a genius. End of.

Brendan Rodgers – The Joker

The Joker has been foiled by Batman on so many occasions, yet he comes back every time. Rodgers may not agree with his motives, but he can only admire his “great character”.

Jurgen Klopp – The Greatest Showman

Klopp has missed having the Liverpool fans to do his fist pumps in front after yet another win. Well, he’s just smashed it in the apple bobbing in front of everyone and he’s brought them out again.

Pep Guardiola – James Bond

It seems ready made for some of those turtle necks Pep pulls out, while he goes through pricey defenders in much the same way 007 tears through the latest Aston Martin.

There may be collateral, but both men get the job done eventually. The name’s Guardiola, Pep Guardiola.

READ: Ranking every Prem manager by how much you’d fancy a pint with them

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer – Gollum

The Manchester United manager can be seen hanging onto his winner’s medals from Molde, calling them his precious, hoping he’ll one day be able to get one with the club he loves so dearly.

Steve Bruce – Frankenstein

The result of an experiment, Bruce’s creator managed to make a man who could take exciting talents and turn them into part of a defensive machine.

He just wants to be appreciated for who he is, but often gets looked at through scornful eyes.

Chris Wilder – The Hobbit

That first season back in the Premier League was a real adventure for Sheffield United and Wilder is proud as punch. He also sends his overlapping centre-backs on adventures on a weekly basis.

READ: 11 of Chris Wilder’s best & funniest moments: Belly slides, dogsh*t & Peroni

Ralph Hasenhuttl – Jim Halpert

Hasenhuttl is not a man with much time on his hands – he’s been too busy devising his next tactical masterplan – but he still wants to take part because he’s personable.

So, having heard James Ward-Prowse and Nathan Redmond cracking up while chatting about the US Office, he decides to go for this quick outfit. Get a white shirt, whack on a dodgy tie that’s slightly off centre and untuck the shirt a little. Job done.

Jose Mourinho – Bane

“You merely adopted management, I was born in it, moulded by it,” Mourinho tells every manager in the room who played football at the very top level.

There was a time where it seemed Mourinho was unstoppable, sweeping everyone in his way aside. That sort of power doesn’t last forever though.

Slaven Bilic – Kiss

Super Slav absolutely loves rock, plays rhythm guitar and is a member of a Croatian band named Rawbau, who made a song for Euro 2008 which translates its title to ‘Fiery Madness.

He’s come here to rock out and is getting on the aux at every opportunity. It’s getting a mixed reception, at best.

David Moyes – Pennywise

The ginger hair and pale complexion made this one a pretty obvious choice, although we didn’t expect him to be dancing away in the middle of the room.

READ: An ode to David Moyes’ Jose-esque celebration & WHU’s quiet resilience

Nuno Espirito Santo – A werewolf

He literally manages a club called Wolves and has that beard. It would be impossible to pick anything else.


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