Jamie Carragher & 4 other times the celebration police p*ssed on everyone’s chips

Life is too short and football is too much of a rollercoaster to not enjoy the good moments when they come around. Unless, of course, your name is Jamie Carragher.

A strange precedent has been set within our beautiful game by a militant group known as the ‘celebration police’ who have made it their mission to ensure that football remains miserable, even in those special, weird and wonderful moments. And it’s got to stop. Their time is up.

Carragher is far from the only member of the force, though. Following his meltdown as Arsenal thrashed Liverpool, we’ve taken a look at five times the ever-miserable celebration police tried to spoil the game with their negativity.

Jamie Carragher (Arsenal vs Liverpool, 2023-24)

The most recent example, Carragher’s headloss made an already brilliant moment even sweeter as Arsenal lapped up the celebrations at the Emirates following a potentially season-defining 3-1 win over Liverpool.

As Martin Odegaard strolled around the pitch camera in hand, taking pictures of the club’s cameraman and egging on the fans, Carragher boiled over and let it all spill out on commentary – like an absolute clown.

“Just get down the tunnel. You’ve won the game, three points. Brilliant. Back in the title race – get down the tunnel,” He moaned live on Sky Sports.

Not even arsed are you, Jamie? Not one bit. Promise.

📸🎬 pic.twitter.com/XpRDGVKH1C

— Sky Sports Premier League (@SkySportsPL) February 4, 2024

Richard Keys (Arsenal vs Liverpool, 2023-24)

If Carragher is prepared to lose his rag live on Sky Sports, you dread to think what nonsense Keys will spout on beIN SPORTS.

It’s just as bad as expected.

“They’ve beaten one of the big teams, the title race has opened up as a result but I do wish (Mikel) Arteta would behave better than he does, he’s returned to behaving like he was persistently last year before the rules were changed to check him,” Keys stated.

“I wish he had a little bit more class when Liverpool handed them the second, then the third there he goes again.”

We can’t wait for a fiery blog post to follow, typed ferociously by those hairy hands.

Roy Keane (Brazil vs South Korea, 2022 World Cup)

Roy Keane spoiling the fun? Colour us shocked.

As Brazil ran riot in the 2022 World Cup round of 16, the entire world believed for a brief minute that the Selecao might finally be back to their best.

Racing into a 4-0 lead before half-time, the side expressed their personality with dancing celebrations, dancing celebrations which manager Tite joined in with. Was it disrespectful? Probably a little bit. But was it a brilliant moment off the back of an exceptional performance in an unforgettable World Cup moment? Absolutely.

Keano – working for ITV – was having none of it, though. The chief constable of the celebration police moaned: “I think it’s disrespectful dancing like that every time they score.

“I don’t mind the first jig, or whatever it was, for the first goal, but not every time. It’s disrespectful. Even their manager gets involved. I don’t like it.”

Bore off, Roy. Live a little. We all know you secretly practice your TikTok dances at home.

🗣 "I've never seen so much dancing, it's like watching Strictly!"

😬 Roy Keane on Brazil's dancing#ITVFootball | #FifaWorldCup pic.twitter.com/q9rJiB3xV6

— ITV Football (@itvfootball) December 5, 2022

Richard Keys (Arsenal vs Fulham, 2022-23)

The Gunners like a celebration. Perhaps they like them a little too much. But you know what, who cares?

Life is too short and football would be a much more boring place without the highs, the lows and the early celebrations. It’s a shame our favourite blogger Keysey didn’t agree back in 2022-23.

"The coach and his players over celebrated a 2-1 win over Fulham! This sort of reaction to what happened yesterday from Arteta tells me how far they have fallen!" @richardajkeys doubles down on Arsenal celebrating their 2-1 win over Fulham!#ARSFUL 🔴⚪️ #beINPL pic.twitter.com/Sp611UD0Ed

— beIN SPORTS (@beINSPORTS_EN) August 28, 2022

Gabriel Agbonlahor (Arsenal vs Aston Villa, 2022-23)

Surprise – it’s Arsenal again. It’s become quite evident that the football world simply hates to see them have any joy in their lives.

As Gabriel Martinelli put the gloss on a frantic 4-2 victory for the Gunners over Aston Villa in February 2023, he celebrated before finishing his chance knowing all he had to do was slot the ball into an empty net.

Gabriel Agbonlahor – renowned for his inciteful takes since hanging up his boots – responded in exactly the way you’d imagine.

“I didn’t like Martinelli running through, empty net, and he’s just celebrating before he’s put the ball into the back of the net,” He said on talkSPORT, adding: “You know he’s been rubbish for a month, and he’s scoring a tap-in and celebrating before he scores.