As Britain shivered on the first Saturday of December, prompting millions to fully step into Christmas and get that f*ckin tree up, one resident of Cheshire unleashed the heat of a thousand suns with a single tweet.
Not that the culprit is an unknown assassin. David de Gea remains in England despite leaving Manchester United after 12 years in the summer and took to social media on Saturday evening to comment on the freezing conditions.
With a single frozen emoji, Madrid-born De Gea expressed his feelings about the English weather before going to bed. He must have awoken to a veritable snowstorm of hate from United fans smarting at their side’s 1-0 surrender at Newcastle the previous day.
— David de Gea (@D_DeGea) December 2, 2023
“Even though he’s not there any longer, this attitude and childlike behaviour encapsulates much of the attitude issues United have faced over the past decade,” read one tweet, presumably sent from Alicante or Barbados where the temperatures weren’t baltic.
“He’s been needy and snide for months, retire gracefully.”
Meanwhile, another bedroom Genghis Khan wrote: “He’s genuinely a sick, toxic weirdo, always has to tweet some cryptic emoji as soon as things are going bad for us, absolute freak.” Say how you really feel, mate.
“His emoji antics, which are always well-timed with some event at the club has more or less confirmed for me the reports of him throwing tantrums when Ole dropped him,” read another tweet, written between bouts of salty tears.
“There’s a child in there somewhere that’s not accepted adult life yet.” It was literally snowing last night. Everything doesn’t have to revolve around football. Accepting that fact is the first step towards adulthood, one most of us take before we leave our teenage years.
“Can’t believe some of you actually want him back,” questioned one account. “The audacity after the performances he’s put in the last few years. Stealing a living on those wages putting in howlers.”
This one holds more weight; while United handled his exit gracelessly, few supporters mourned De Gea’s departure over the summer.
In his last few months alone, the goalkeeper dropped two b*llocks against Sevilla, allowed Said Benrahma’s dribbler to roll under his body at West Ham and was beaten within 12 seconds by Ilkay Gundogan’s volley during the FA Cup final.
Don’t let Andre Onana’s troubles allow amateur historians to rewrite the past. De Gea’s time at Old Trafford was up and it’s telling that the Spaniard has been unable to find a new club as we enter December.
Whether he’s flicking metaphorical popcorn at his former manager and team-mates, which we consider unlikely, is irrelevant to United’s current situation. They have deeper worries than second-guessing the social media activity of their former employee.
Which brings us nicely to the United supporters with twisted knickers.
Perhaps those United fans getting worked up over a man tweeting about the weather should go on a country walk, meet their friends or cook a delicious meal.
It’s a wonderful life. Especially when you step away from the internet.
By Michael Lee