Ederson has scared us to death with his freakish footwork – we demand Pep plays him in midfield
Thanks to ball-playing, press-resistant freaks like Ederson, the art of goalkeeping – and football in general – has changed forever, and it’s made life hell for fellow keepers around the world.
Whatever happened to the goalkeepers’ union? Did Ederson ever consider that when he waltzed on into the Premier League and started spraying passes and setting up slick, total football plays like it’s nobody’s business? No, he didn’t.
People are quick to assume keepers like Ederson ruined the careers of Joe Hart and other stoppers of yesteryear who were nowhere near as good with their feet, but that’s just the damage we can see.
Keepers across the planet from professional to amateur now had to find away to turn into the ultimate goalkeeper/regista hybrid or hang up the gloves for good.
The worst part about it is, we can’t even be too mad at him, because it’s bloody brilliant fun to watch.
Probably less so if you’re a Manchester City fan sitting inside the Etihad on a Saturday afternoon, clutching onto your Bovril for dear life and counting your breaths while he’s stood doing Cruyff turns in nosebleed territory. But for the rest of us, it’s sublime.
City fans probably thought they had some restbite from having to endure heart palpitation-ball for the next week or two, but we regret to inform you that the resident mad bastard Brazilian is at it again in training with the Selecao during the international break.
In fact, he’s going one further, ditched the keeper training and joined in with the rest of the squad to show off his ever-improving Xavi tribute act – complete with scanning, clipped passes, the lot.
We're getting a bit sick and tired of Ederson continually raising the bar for goalkeepers.
Chuck him in midfield ASAP and leave the real keepers to long balls and no risks, please.pic.twitter.com/sDY5Eixcki
— Planet Football (@planetfutebol) September 7, 2023
What a big stinking show-off. You love to see it.
Get this man an outfield kit, some low socks and a headband and there’s an all-timer midfielder literally right there.
The ‘play Ederson outfield’ discourse isn’t even new, either. It’s been around for years, and this is the reason it won’t go away. He’s simply getting better, stronger, more technical.
“When I started my career, I was actually a left-back and I do have some qualities playing with my feet, so I think that helps a lot, especially due to the way we play at City,” Ederson told the Manchester City website in 2017.
“But if there was a situation where I was ever needed outfield, yeah, I’d definitely give it a go!”
We know you’re desperate to give him a go outfield, Pep. We just know it. He’s had six years to hone his craft – no, not his actual craft, the one without gloves – since then and there’s a very strong possibility that he could put in a shift at the back or even in the middle of the park, and look just as capable as plenty of other Premier League players.
The man simply should not be that good at taking the ball under pressure, checking his shoulders and firing back cute little passes that are charged up with all the aesthetic and technique one can muster up.
At this rate, the goalkeeper position isn’t even going to exist in 10 years’ time.
By Mitch Wilks