Harry Kane of Bayern Muenchen celebrates as he scores the goal 1:0 during the Bundesliga match between FC Bayern MŸnchen and SV Darmstadt 98 at Allianz Arena on October 28, 2023 in Munich, Germany.

Harry Kane celebrated his first Der Klassiker by turning Dortmund into mannequins

If you logged onto Elon Musk’s platform of misery on Wednesday night, you would’ve found it impossible to avoid stick-armed keyboard warriors laughing at Harry Kane.

Kane was left out of the squad for Bayern Munich’s German Cup match away at Saarbrucken, but that didn’t stop him becoming the butt of the joke as Bayern slipped to a shocking 2-1 defeat.

‘The curse is real,’ cried accounts with accompanied laughing emojis as if Kane left Tottenham to win a domestic cup competition rather than the Bundesliga or Champions League.

Since joining Bayern, the England captain has delivered 14 goals and seven assists in 13 games which meant the heavyweight clash away at Borussia Dortmund was more salivating than currywurst and one of those massive f*ck off steins of beer.

Of course, one of those goals stands above the rest; Kane’s halfway-line scoop against Darmstadt caused jaws to drop across the globe and left legends of the game dumbfounded.

“It’s not just in Germany, people all over the world are talking about that goal,” Jurgen Klinsmann, the former Bayern and Spurs striker, told Sky Sports.

“That goal just showed where he is right now. He is capable of doing everything. To not only finish and be a great striker but also [give] assists and these crazy type of goals.”

Bayern didn’t take long to put their perennial lap dogs in their place, scoring twice in the opening 10 matches and reducing the famous Yellow Wall to tears. Probably.

After Dayot Upamecano opened the scoring with a bullet header, leaving Gregor Kobel in a crumpled heap on the turf, Kane capped off a flowing counter-attacking move with a clinical finish.

Leroy Sane, who seems strangely underrated despite his obvious ability, started with the move with a delicious flick that took out one defender and swept the ball into the path of Musiala.

Musiala did the sensible thing and returned the ball to his team-mate at the opportune moment. By this time, Bayern had advanced on the Dortmund penalty area at thrilling speed, leaving the home side choking on dust.

Unforgivably, they neglected to track Kane. Donning an invisibility cloak and slippers, Kane ghosted into the penalty area and slotted home Sane’s drippy pull-back. Bosh.

The Bundesliga title is a non-negotiable for Bayern and Kane this year. Hopes of a treble were ended after Wednesday’s shock cup exit, but success in Europe this season could put Kane firmly in the running for next year’s Ballon d’Or.

“He has the team, and quality through the squad,” Klinsmann said. “He’s in a very competitive environment that’s always driving and hungry for titles.”

Thomas Tuchel, the current head coach, has said Kane is the ‘perfect striker’ for Bayern. But there was a bonus to getting this particular signing over the line. “We took the skipper of England out of the Premier League,” said Tuchel in September. “It is a huge deal. Everybody wanted to have him.”

Moments like his clinical hat-trick against Dortmund are the reason why. Ignore the haters, he is f*cking brilliant footballer.

By Michael Lee

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