Real Madrid’s R9 regen might just fire us into orbit with his turbocharged left foot
Sunday mornings are for breakfasts littered with calories, bad television – or the early morning Serie A kick-off if you’re cultured – and rotting in bed feeling sorry for yourself, filled with dread about the week ahead.
The most humbling day of the week for self-reflection, things become even worse when you wake up to the timeline reminding you of exactly how useless and untalented you are, while teenage wonderkids go viral for smashing in goals and living the dream.
Endrick might be moving to Real Madrid in 2024 and he might have a left foot like a traction engine, but can he nail a full English fry-up in bed and not leave a crumb of toast on the quilt?
Probably not, but neither can we. Another disappointment to consider.
Football fanatics in Europe are at this point fully aware of Endrick, who will join Los Blancos next summer, but his powers and potential are still a secret to some.
Or at least they were before he discovered a new level at Palmeiras in recent weeks, where he seems to be scoring a golazo every time he takes to the field, leaving us all speechless when it works its way into our feeds over the weekend.
You won’t be surprised to learn, then, that the 17-year-old has done it again.
With his move to Europe pending, Endrick appears to have turned it up a notch and found a scoring vein that’s enough to put the fear of God into defenders across La Liga.
As Palmeiras made light work of Internacional in a 3-0 victory, he was once again on the scoresheet, desperate to show the world that his left peg might actually be something extraterrestrial from Area 51.
Waking up to Endrick Golazo, What a weekend I’m having . Good morning Madridstas pic.twitter.com/iInpqxQ1fv
— Morale (@M_orale_) November 12, 2023
Come on. When you’re up against a forward like Endrick, nervous passing like that is asking for trouble.
In true Sunday league fashion, Palmeiras sniff out that the player receiving the ball from the goalkeeper simply doesn’t want it, allowing them to clamp on an aggressive press which is successful.
The ball then falls to Endrick who still has plenty to do on the outside of the box, with two defenders back in to try and stop a goal.
But you simply cannot stop the inevitable. And even if you could, you’d be exceptionally stupid to throw yourself in front of a shot that’s been dispatched from the teenager’s left peg, unless you want a week’s stay in the hospital.
With all the ferocity and ‘f*ck you’ he could possibly muster up, Endrick absolutely cannons the ball along the floor and beyond the goalkeeper to add a second on the night for Palmeiras, playing as if he’s in a game of FIFA with the sliders turned all the way up.
The kid is an absolute joke. How can he strike a ball so hard, with so much accuracy?
His physical attributes at 17 are genuinely frightening, and that’s before you’ve even considered his flair, sharp touch and eye for goal, which seems to be getting better with every passing week.
By the time Endrick arrives in Madrid next summer, we could be looking at a ready-made star.
European football won’t know what’s hit it – until he’s broken someone’s jaw with a pop shot, or smashed their shin to bits.
By Mitch Wilks