The new speediest boy in Premier League history, Micky van de Ven.

The 10 fastest Premier League players since 2020-21: Van de Ven, Walker, Szoboszlai…

Micky van de Ven notched the fastest sprint speed ever recorded in the Premier League when Tottenham beat Brentford in the Battle of the Stolen Darts Celebration last week.

Granted, there have only been official records and statistics for sprint speed in the Prem since 2020/21, but it’s still pretty impressive.

Micky was making up ground on Everton’s number 11 Jack Harrison before making a superb last-ditch tackle to deny a clear shot at goal or a simple square to Dominic Calvert-Lewin.

In fact, he wasn’t just making up ground  he was eating that ground up. Chomp, chomp, chomp.

So, Micky is quickest. But who makes up the other nine players on the Premier League’s list of fastest sprinters (since 2020-21)?

10. Amadou Onana

A big central midfielder has no business being on this list, really. Rangy, though, isn’t he? Onana? Very rangy. Once he gets going, you’re not catching him. Clocks in at 36.65km/h versus Liverpool last October. Big man, big speed.

9. Anthony Gordon

No surprise here. The Toon’s Scouse winger is absolutely rapido. All sinew. Stringy. Looks like the sort of lad who might be class at arm wrestling despite being about eight stone wet-through.

Would batter you at conkers, too. Just has that look about him. 36.68km/h v Burnley last September. F*cking nyyeeooooooowwwmmmmmmmmm!

8. Brennan Johnson

Another expected name on this list. Young, fast, full of beans. The Welsh golden boy knocked up 36.7km/h against Man City last season when he was still at Nottingham Forest.

7. Antonio Rudiger

Perhaps a surprise inclusion here. Tony Rudiger reached a top speed of 36.72km/h back in 2021, when Chelsea played Brighton between Christmas and New Year.

Don’t think we could run a bath after a big Christmas dinner, let alone break some residential speed limits with our actual feet. Jesus Christ, Tony.

6. Dara O’Shea

What? You’re telling us Burnley defender Dara O’Shea reached the sixth-highest speed ever recorded in the Premier League just three months ago, and you didn’t know about it? Call yourself a football fan? Grow up.

O’Shea managed a velocilicious 36.73km/h against Crystal Palace. Tell your friends.

5. Dominik Szoboszlai

Another central midfielder. What’s he doing in here? You can’t be hitting rockets from 40 yards and running really, really fast simultaneously. An enigma. Domi-quick Szoboszlai, are we right?

SORRY. Please keep reading. 36.76km/h. So fast. Next.

4. Pedro Neto

The lone wolf on this list, but only fourth in this particular pack at 36.86km/h versus Luton in September.

NOTE TO SELF: Next time Wolves make a loan signing, refer to them as ‘The Loaned Wolf’. That’s the good stuff.

3. Chiedozie Ogbene

Before he ran circles and squares and triangles and all other manner of shapes around Big Dan Burn last week, Ogbene racked up 36.93km/h against Fulham last September (has to be the speediest month in since records began).

He’s like lightning, is Ogbene. BDB won’t be the last left-back he embarrasses this season, mark our words.

2. Kyle Walker

Obviously. 37.31km/h against Everton.

1. Micky van de Ven

You already know about Micky. The fastest player in Premier League history. You’ll never sing that, you’ll never sing thaaaaaaat! Fastestplayerinpremierleaguehistory, you’ll never sing that!

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