Simply put, Erling Haaland is a freak of nature. In every way imaginable. At just 22 years old, he’s already established himself as one of the most complete scoring machines in world football with an athleticism that is genuinely frightening, and has the personality to go with it.
Put that personality alongside his exploits on the pitch, and it makes for quite a magnificent character. Whether you’re a Manchester City fan or a supporter of a rival club, you simply cannot stop yourself from simply observing the man and being lost for words.
His towering presence, freakish eye for goal and genuinely terrifying pace and stride make him an absolute monster – and he’s nowhere near his peak. The guy is an alien, in the nicest way possible.
Naturally, for someone so unique, Haaland has quite a wit, but is also rather hilarious at times when he doesn’t even realise it. We’ve to compile a list of moments where he’s at his very best.
Stealing the show in the club
After scoring in a 2-1 victory over Hertha Berlin in what would be his final game for Borussia Dortmund, Haaland was captured dancing and bouncing around what appeared to be a nightclub, kitted out in full Dortmund tracksuit.
This is not only a professional footballer, but arguably the best young talent on the planet. Absolute maniac.
Erling Haaland in the club with Dortmund fans in his full tracksuit. 🤣 pic.twitter.com/ieP9mgIpNF
— Football Tweet ⚽ (@Football__Tweet) May 15, 2022
He wasn’t great at interviews
Back in the days of his rapid ascent with Red Bull Salzburg, a very young Haaland was quickly attracting the interest of the football world for his rapid scoring rate that he had begun to bring to the Champions League stage.
As a result, we were blessed with him giving us an incredibly cringe-inducing yet rather hilarious post-match interview after he bagged a first half hat-trick against Genk in 2019.
Asked about his history-making hat-trick and how it made him felt, Haaland simply responded ‘I feel very good’.
Clearly wanting more, the reporter asked, “Anything else?” To which he again gave a very short and sweet answer: “You asked how I feel, I answered.”
“What’s the secret? You’ve got 17 goals in nine games this season so far.”
“To work hard.”
You get the idea. Like drawing blood from a stone.
Norwegian – via Yorkshire
A rather mind blowing fact about Norway international Erling Braut Haaland, who couldn’t possibly look anymore like a Scandinavian god if he tried, is that he wasn’t actually born there. In fact, he was born in Leeds, west Yorkshire, and didn’t actually move back to Norway until he was three years old.
That possibly explains why he was so good at mimicking team-mate John Stones’ Barnsley accent…
Haaland's impression of John Stones 🤣 pic.twitter.com/9879IDZSkG
— Sky Sports Premier League (@SkySportsPL) April 17, 2023
A secret snacker
Footballers are expected to maintain an excellent diet in order to optimise performance, and if you want to be the best in the world, you have to adhere to that.
Haaland’s exceptional physique and freakish physical attributes suggest he does, although a tweet from just after he’d signed for City last summer suggests he is partial to a treat or two when out at the shops. He broke the internet with a selfie of him shopping, asking followers what they thought he was up to.
Went shopping today again! What did i buy? Anyone? pic.twitter.com/hoXA3QISZX
— Erling Haaland (@ErlingHaaland) July 25, 2022
He then revealed what he was out buying.
(At M&S) Bought a bag of Percy Pig (don't tell anyone)
— Erling Haaland (@ErlingHaaland) July 25, 2022
Cheeky, but who would dare to tell him off?
Secretly a drama queen
For a man who terrifies those around him – we’d assume teammates and opposition defenders alike – it was quite funny seeing a different side of Haaland when City hosted Everton in his debut season as a Blue.
Haaland managed to score – as he does – against the Toffees, but Godfrey and his colleagues did a commendable job in keeping him as quiet as they possibly could, by any means possible. And at one point, the 22-year-old reached boiling point.
Sounds scary, but in actual fact it turned out to be one of the moments of the season.
With a face as expressive as that and a physique like his, there is absolutely a spot on a WrestleMania card for Haaland at some point in the future, when he’s bored of scoring goals for fun.
What did Godfrey say to Haaland to rattle him this hard? 😆pic.twitter.com/vNbuI47CXz
— Betmate (@betmate_app) January 1, 2023
Playing the crowd
In fact, Haaland might already be more prepared for life as a professional wrestler than we realise. He’s already learned the tropes of playing up to the crowd like all the great heels do.
— Sahil Bakshi (@SBakshi13) November 28, 2021
He still isn’t great at interviews
Truthfully, we could’ve compiled a list of Haaland’s best interview highlights, because there really are that many.
But after climbing his way up the footballing ladder, his interview skills naturally picked up and he became less awkward – to a point.
Making the transition from Germany to England has proven incredibly easy for him on the pitch, but less so in front of the cameras, where the rules are a little more strict…
Erling Haaland's interviews are gonna be fun 🤬
— B/R Football (@brfootball) August 7, 2022
His ‘magic potion’
We’ve already discussed Haaland’s secret love for Percy Pig sweets and that’s absolutely fine – everyone deserves a treat.
But to do a photoshoot with your ‘magic potion’ for your socials, that potion being huge bottles/pints of milk? Yeah, he’s lost the plot.
There really is nobody else like this bloke.
Me and my magic potion 🥛💪🏻 pic.twitter.com/Bunvm6e9tB
— Erling Haaland (@ErlingHaaland) April 13, 2023