A definitive ranking of all eight films Michael Owen has watched in his life
Michael Owen is a man of the world. The former Liverpool, Manchester United, Real Madrid and England striker knows his football (a bit), horse racing and of course films!
We joke. Owen confirmed in 2014 that he had only watched eight films in his life, a revelation that was both shocking and entirely in keeping with his character.
We have seen two of those films, so are of course perfectly capable of giving a definitive ranking of them from worst to best…
8. Seabiscuit
Not right bothered about horses, they can’t drive a narrative better than a person who can actually produce dialogue, surely.
For a man who literally owns race horses to give it just a 4/10, it can’t be great. Eighth.
7. Ghost
Just sounds a bit weird, to be honest. He’s in love, now he’s dead but he can still communicate with a psychic, the word “goons” is used one too many times in the review we read.
We can’t imagine Owen appreciated the nuances. He only gave it a 5/10, so seventh feels right.
6. Jurassic Park
It’s an intriguing concept. We’ve got dinosaurs – it’s an absolute unbridled scientific miracle – but we’ve only got female ones, so they can’t reproduce and therefore nothing should get out of hand.
Things get out of hand, obviously – “life finds a way.” Bit boring though. Owen gave it a 7/10.
5. Forrest Gump
Most people seem to like it, sure, it’s inspiring, so we’re told. However, it gets knocked down a few places for the number of times we’ve heard people say “run Forrest, run,” for no reason throughout our lifetime.
Seems we’re on the same page as Owen in terms of ranking, who gave it a 6/10.
4. Rocky
“They got better with Rockys,” Owen said as he gave it a 3/10 rating. You mean to tell us in the 11 years since 2014, you’ve delved into more cinema than you then admitted to?
Makes us sick that we’re ranking just eight films and you’ve obviously watched more, and for that reason we can’t morally justify putting Rocky any higher. Cool soundtrack, though.
3. Karate Kid
It’s a feel-good film about a young prodigy mastering his craft and journeying to success.
It’s little surprise Owen said Karate Kid was “good,” giving it an 8/10 rating. Did you know Owen won back-to-back Premier League golden boots at 17 and 18? He wants you to know.
Though predictable, it would be hard not to give Karate Kid a good ranking here.
2. Cool Runnings
If you thought a film about a Jamaican bobsleigh team wasn’t going to be high up here, you’re mad.
It’s a 6/10 for Owen, but one of the best on the list for us.
1. Heat
To be honest, we’re not sure what this is all about, but it’s got Al Pacino and Robert De Niro in it, and is widely regarded as one of the greatest crime films of all time.
What are we if not happy to take the reviews of more avid film-watchers as gospel. Only a 5/10 for Owen, though.
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